The worlds an assortment of strange events, some funny some horrendous, others tragic and some weird. Yet others which defy description..at least to me. I am flummoxed. Maybe one of you can provide us with a clue .
It was recently reported that a woman got married to a snake. A story I read on Indianpad.
What could have been her motivation? Was it truly a choice? Honestly I cannot decide whether amusement is the reaction I feel or despair at this example of Indian tradition (it is not the first) so rooted in beliefs which trigger queries whether progress in India is ever going to arrive at the doorsteps of our villagers, or will there always be a disparity of such giant proportions between metro life and rural life?
Oh well.. atleast it will keep her safe from in-laws..No dowry death for this maiden!
Monday, June 05, 2006
Friday, June 02, 2006
Yes Minister!! No Fanaa
A gnawing sense of restlessness had taken over as the reality of Fanaa not being released in Gujarat took on actuality.
Were Indians in danger of being dictated to by the poilitical parties as to what we should be viewing? Was this a decision taken by the majority of the populace of Gujarat ? Or were they too chicken to oppose it? Was cultural policing also going to be the mantle of politicians? And finally where will it end?
It was bad enough that Aamir Khans stand had been misconstrued, manipulated and intentionally sensationalised to rationalise the extreme uproar by the politicians. But to hit out professionally for the sole purpose of demonstrating clout is unaccceptable.
It is time that we make it amply clear to the Politicians "Minister Saab..run the country ..not my life!"
Mahesh bhatt has filed a PIL in the Supreme court to this effect.
Being blackmailed into accepting a Hitler-ish stand point , would have sounded the death knell of any star participation in social causes. which would have been a pity. After all, lets face it, their word holds value and their presence gives weightage to an issue. Why penalise a celebrity for trying to make a difference in whatever manner he/she deems fit?
It is quite exasperating to envision an India where we are outwardly modern, emancipated, well on the shores of development..yet a prey to the machinations of political agendas.
Where are the so-called "young turks" of our political scenario? Is their silence a clue as to the power that is wielded by the bosses who matter in Gujarat, or is it not politically correct(pun intended) to grant their visage and vocals to a cause which imperils just a Film?
PREQUEL to this post
Related Post
Were Indians in danger of being dictated to by the poilitical parties as to what we should be viewing? Was this a decision taken by the majority of the populace of Gujarat ? Or were they too chicken to oppose it? Was cultural policing also going to be the mantle of politicians? And finally where will it end?
It was bad enough that Aamir Khans stand had been misconstrued, manipulated and intentionally sensationalised to rationalise the extreme uproar by the politicians. But to hit out professionally for the sole purpose of demonstrating clout is unaccceptable.
It is time that we make it amply clear to the Politicians "Minister Saab..run the country ..not my life!"
Mahesh bhatt has filed a PIL in the Supreme court to this effect.
Being blackmailed into accepting a Hitler-ish stand point , would have sounded the death knell of any star participation in social causes. which would have been a pity. After all, lets face it, their word holds value and their presence gives weightage to an issue. Why penalise a celebrity for trying to make a difference in whatever manner he/she deems fit?
It is quite exasperating to envision an India where we are outwardly modern, emancipated, well on the shores of development..yet a prey to the machinations of political agendas.
Where are the so-called "young turks" of our political scenario? Is their silence a clue as to the power that is wielded by the bosses who matter in Gujarat, or is it not politically correct(pun intended) to grant their visage and vocals to a cause which imperils just a Film?
PREQUEL to this post
Related Post
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Anti Aamir to Anti Reservation- Multiplicity Of Youth Power
“Learning acquired in youth arrests the evil of old age; and if you understand that old age has wisdom for its food, you will so conduct yourself in youth that your old age will not lack for nourishment.”
Leonardo da Vinci
Youth was understood as being a time of carefree laughter, sunlit days and glitzy nights.When innocence had not yet lost its bloom and dreams slowly unfolding within graspable reach.
In todays scenario, its the time for agitations and agitatedness. Whether misinformed or misguided, the energy of the youth is there to spare. So those vile enough to recognise the strength of latent power, and indomitable will of the young, are using/misusing it for their hidden agendas.
Reservations per se and in the present connotation and denotation leave much to be desired. Basically the government is making the kids of today pay for the lapses of their lackadaisical attitude and policies. Dreams are being trampled upon, hopes demolished and students have been welcomed into the big bad world rather unceremoniously. Whoever said Life is fair!
And then there is the young of Gujarat who have been anaesthetised into believing that Aamir Khan is enemy No 1, who has to be penalised for daring to expostulate on the rights of the poor. They have been numbed into adhering to the dictates of fanatical politicos who rightly belong to era of Nazi Germany where the politics of hate help perpetuate and ensure longevity of power.
Jews are a plenty..if one is a Nazi.
The visual of students barely out of their teens, with gleeful revenge in their eyes, rebellion in their stance, and animosity in their speech , belligerently warning their ilk against endorsing Aamir, his films and his stand, angers you. Not just because it goes against all sense of righteousness and fairness that you believe you deserve being a native of free India, but also because you are forced to see the hand behind this agitation, despite strong attempts at anonymity.
To expect that a 17 year old will obtain the wherewithal to stage demonstrations of the kind in full public view without the support of the powerful, is stupid and naive. One can only pity the folly of the innocents to have allowed themselves to fall prey and been manipulated thus.
Aamir realises, one hopes, that the youth of Gujarat has seen RDB too!!..It is not enough to merely instigate youth, but to motivate it ethically. Energy when improperly channelised without affording ample guidance and education, leads to such monumental blunders.
To ask them if they really agree that a fellow student should be ostracised, threatened and boycotted, by the community for watching a film Fanaa in mumbai,since it had been banned in Gujarat, is not going to elicit an honest response. But when the furore has died down and the spotlight snatched away from them to the next band of the exploited, what will then restore the failed sensed of self esteem they have traded for this moment of paper glory?
Two sets of angry voices for totally opposing motivations. One more than deserved, the other painfully undeserved. Highlighting the emptiness of youthful exuberance. Misinformed and misled..into the wilderness of a crazy world.
Leonardo da Vinci
Youth was understood as being a time of carefree laughter, sunlit days and glitzy nights.When innocence had not yet lost its bloom and dreams slowly unfolding within graspable reach.
In todays scenario, its the time for agitations and agitatedness. Whether misinformed or misguided, the energy of the youth is there to spare. So those vile enough to recognise the strength of latent power, and indomitable will of the young, are using/misusing it for their hidden agendas.
Reservations per se and in the present connotation and denotation leave much to be desired. Basically the government is making the kids of today pay for the lapses of their lackadaisical attitude and policies. Dreams are being trampled upon, hopes demolished and students have been welcomed into the big bad world rather unceremoniously. Whoever said Life is fair!
And then there is the young of Gujarat who have been anaesthetised into believing that Aamir Khan is enemy No 1, who has to be penalised for daring to expostulate on the rights of the poor. They have been numbed into adhering to the dictates of fanatical politicos who rightly belong to era of Nazi Germany where the politics of hate help perpetuate and ensure longevity of power.
Jews are a plenty..if one is a Nazi.
The visual of students barely out of their teens, with gleeful revenge in their eyes, rebellion in their stance, and animosity in their speech , belligerently warning their ilk against endorsing Aamir, his films and his stand, angers you. Not just because it goes against all sense of righteousness and fairness that you believe you deserve being a native of free India, but also because you are forced to see the hand behind this agitation, despite strong attempts at anonymity.
To expect that a 17 year old will obtain the wherewithal to stage demonstrations of the kind in full public view without the support of the powerful, is stupid and naive. One can only pity the folly of the innocents to have allowed themselves to fall prey and been manipulated thus.
Aamir realises, one hopes, that the youth of Gujarat has seen RDB too!!..It is not enough to merely instigate youth, but to motivate it ethically. Energy when improperly channelised without affording ample guidance and education, leads to such monumental blunders.
To ask them if they really agree that a fellow student should be ostracised, threatened and boycotted, by the community for watching a film Fanaa in mumbai,since it had been banned in Gujarat, is not going to elicit an honest response. But when the furore has died down and the spotlight snatched away from them to the next band of the exploited, what will then restore the failed sensed of self esteem they have traded for this moment of paper glory?
Two sets of angry voices for totally opposing motivations. One more than deserved, the other painfully undeserved. Highlighting the emptiness of youthful exuberance. Misinformed and misled..into the wilderness of a crazy world.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Citizen Aamir Khan
(Psst.. The comments section is
turning into Fanaa comments)
Democracy is under seige.Clearly.
Aamir Khan has raised his voice for a social cause. He is being targetted by the BJP for simply endorsing the order of the supreme court, simply reiterating the need to rehabilitate the villagers threatened to be displaced by the dam.
What is ludicrous is the blatant flouting of democratic principles by a party which is the leader of the opposition.
What is common between Fanaa, the film, Titan watches, Coke and Innova? Aamir khan. So the BJP reckons that all these ought to be banned in their stronghold Gujarat. Apparently this seems to be a power struggle by Modi and his loyalists in attempting to prove who is the bigger star, Narendra Modi the politician, or Aamir khan the star.
As of now, round one goes in favour of Narendra Modi. Fanaa was not allowed to be released and a bunch of BJP activists, sporadically have gone around smashing coke bottles, while reading out a prepared speech , with a hidden smirk , at the thrill of being on National T.V. That is what they diligently assured. Media was present for this staged demonstration. More fake than the ketchup masquerading as blood in Bollywood.
While the Film industry openly expressed support for Salman khan, when he was indicted for killing the buck, no such luck for Aamir. It is not surprising. He has been reclusive and private. In fact the continuous appearances on television channels in the past couple of days by Aamir would equal those he may have relented in his whole career of 20 years, A chink in the armour here Aamir. Green light a-blink now on chat mode eh?
No major harm done for the star though. He has the support of the masses on this one. The ludicrousness of the political party and its activism is glaringly under focus. In the long run, the film is gaining publicity, curiosity has tripled and sympathy vote goes for Aamir.The channels rake in the moolah, with TRPs having spiralled. So the bottom line .. all is well.
Where is Arundhati Roy, Medha patkar? Has the media intentionally sidelined them?
Updates
* Taran Adarsh's hugely popular and widely read website "IndiaFM" reports this news.
turning into Fanaa comments)
Democracy is under seige.Clearly.
Aamir Khan has raised his voice for a social cause. He is being targetted by the BJP for simply endorsing the order of the supreme court, simply reiterating the need to rehabilitate the villagers threatened to be displaced by the dam.
What is ludicrous is the blatant flouting of democratic principles by a party which is the leader of the opposition.
What is common between Fanaa, the film, Titan watches, Coke and Innova? Aamir khan. So the BJP reckons that all these ought to be banned in their stronghold Gujarat. Apparently this seems to be a power struggle by Modi and his loyalists in attempting to prove who is the bigger star, Narendra Modi the politician, or Aamir khan the star.
As of now, round one goes in favour of Narendra Modi. Fanaa was not allowed to be released and a bunch of BJP activists, sporadically have gone around smashing coke bottles, while reading out a prepared speech , with a hidden smirk , at the thrill of being on National T.V. That is what they diligently assured. Media was present for this staged demonstration. More fake than the ketchup masquerading as blood in Bollywood.
While the Film industry openly expressed support for Salman khan, when he was indicted for killing the buck, no such luck for Aamir. It is not surprising. He has been reclusive and private. In fact the continuous appearances on television channels in the past couple of days by Aamir would equal those he may have relented in his whole career of 20 years, A chink in the armour here Aamir. Green light a-blink now on chat mode eh?
No major harm done for the star though. He has the support of the masses on this one. The ludicrousness of the political party and its activism is glaringly under focus. In the long run, the film is gaining publicity, curiosity has tripled and sympathy vote goes for Aamir.The channels rake in the moolah, with TRPs having spiralled. So the bottom line .. all is well.
Where is Arundhati Roy, Medha patkar? Has the media intentionally sidelined them?
Updates
* Taran Adarsh's hugely popular and widely read website "IndiaFM" reports this news.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
And They Lived Happily N-ever After
Hardly the kind of post expected after a vacation.. I agree.
A chance meeting with a close friend,surviving the trauma of a broken relationship, triggered off this most disconcerting affirmation. If there is one sphere of modern life which has witnessed such huge fluctuations in intensity, it is relationships.
"He's changed..drastically"..she said."Hes not the person I married. I just dont feel the same way about him. The magic has gone out of the relationship." All I asked her was if she was the same woman he had married. She admitted that it was difficult for her to identify herself with her actions and words. She had lost herself somewhere, along the way.
The only constant is change, said our sages. This is one area that demands we rekindle the light of this wisdom. Relationships are in a constant state of flux. To expect stability is one thing but to link it with a plateau -ed emotional level, is blasphemy.
All said and done, a man and a woman were meant to be with, for each other. The need although unquestionable, is also a major factor for discontent. Why do we interpret 'dependence' as a cause for abject misery? Or for that matter an ensuing' state of denial', as to the versimilitude of the fact that it is two halves which make a whole.
So what is the furore in perceiving oneself as a 'half' in this context? It will certainly not connote a fractured existence, contrarily a doubled one.
All around me , I notice failed marriages, relationships, stressful lives wrought with frustrations of unhappiness stemming from the paucity of that single emotion LOVE which does indeed 'make the world go round'. Whether in a tail spin or whirl of delight is the contention.
Nothing can come close to the exhilaration of the first flush of romance, the budding of a thousand hopes and dreams, the whisper of a promised land of undying happiness. If there is anything more enchanting than the child of a smile, it is the smile of a woman who has tasted the nectar of love.
What is saddeningly true , however, is its transcience. While on the one hand it would be hopelessly naive to believe that it will constantly be a tale of romantic days and nights,on the other hand , for something so divine to dwindle down to hate, disgust and disillusionment, is tragic.
Why does this happen? And so often? More a rule than an exception today. Yes, 'today' moreso. Lets face it we are more analytical, incisive, questioning than our fathers and forefathers. While this may have proved so profitable in wordly matters, in inter-personal relationships it has proved to be a downer. If we are happy, we spend time analysing, dissecting 'why'..and if unhappy then naturally, the brooding is endless.If he loves you ..there is 'why' and fears , doubts 'what if he deserts me'. If he/she leaves then ofcourse again 'Why'?
Sometimes to accept without doubt, or simply without rhyme or reason, is not only less traumatic, but painless and uncomplicated as well. Just be.. in love. But wait..
This 'many splendoured thing', is it really as pleasurable, blissful, ethereal as touted by poets, writers, legends we have been fed on. If it is , why is it so ephemeral? So slippery, it nimbly slides through the fingertips as a butterflies wings. Or so we think.The truth being that we dont really give love a chance.
Without attempting to take on a biased stance, either for or against either gender, what is glaringly apparent is the fact that we as a race have forgotten how to perceive love. Apart from its physical aspect. Infact , what it has degenerated into is just that.. 'physical'. Since 'it' can never sustain a relationship, and since caring, respect and acceptance have not taken on an 'expression', soon the emptiness and hollowness of the once blossoming , wholesome vibration, surfaces.
Who is to blame? For one, the Mills and Boon, Barbara Cartland, When Harry met Sally, Pretty woman, type fairy tales of love. Our youthful days are fed on a diet of fun, frolic, jazzy, funky, cheesy, glitzy, rose tinted glasses prism of love. It may seem ever-so-perfect, but is like the 'chocolate house' in the fairy tale, where the old woman lured children only to cook them for her next meal. Without meaning to stultify the debate, the idea is to propound the theory of 'fairy tale romances' as a culprit.
We all love "love stories. The problem lies in our unswerving aim to replicate it in our lives. Bound to lead to disgruntlement, dissatisfaction, frustration and then a drifting apart.. in that order.
Love is a Verb. Relationships moreso. It requires, doing. More often than not, once the 'time to disco' begins to develop cracks, there is nothing to fall back on. Life without the tints, is harsh, stark and ruthless. But where is the orientation for honing coping skills? Movies.. end at marriage. Life, begins then.
Lets question our innermost subtle motives, honestly. We tend to love a person not for what he/she is, but for what they make us feel about ourselves. It is what we transform into while in their midst. So primarily, true love is within. Looking for it outside is erroneous.
Having experienced the emotion in all its glory, why does it fade away? We begin to see more of what is unacceptable, simultaneously ignoring what is acceptable. Familiarity breeds contempt.. If this be true can love, therefore which thrives on familiarity, intrinsically, survive in this scenario?
Yes. If we ponder long enough over this wise crack "“Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
A chance meeting with a close friend,surviving the trauma of a broken relationship, triggered off this most disconcerting affirmation. If there is one sphere of modern life which has witnessed such huge fluctuations in intensity, it is relationships.
"He's changed..drastically"..she said."Hes not the person I married. I just dont feel the same way about him. The magic has gone out of the relationship." All I asked her was if she was the same woman he had married. She admitted that it was difficult for her to identify herself with her actions and words. She had lost herself somewhere, along the way.
The only constant is change, said our sages. This is one area that demands we rekindle the light of this wisdom. Relationships are in a constant state of flux. To expect stability is one thing but to link it with a plateau -ed emotional level, is blasphemy.
All said and done, a man and a woman were meant to be with, for each other. The need although unquestionable, is also a major factor for discontent. Why do we interpret 'dependence' as a cause for abject misery? Or for that matter an ensuing' state of denial', as to the versimilitude of the fact that it is two halves which make a whole.
So what is the furore in perceiving oneself as a 'half' in this context? It will certainly not connote a fractured existence, contrarily a doubled one.
All around me , I notice failed marriages, relationships, stressful lives wrought with frustrations of unhappiness stemming from the paucity of that single emotion LOVE which does indeed 'make the world go round'. Whether in a tail spin or whirl of delight is the contention.
Nothing can come close to the exhilaration of the first flush of romance, the budding of a thousand hopes and dreams, the whisper of a promised land of undying happiness. If there is anything more enchanting than the child of a smile, it is the smile of a woman who has tasted the nectar of love.
What is saddeningly true , however, is its transcience. While on the one hand it would be hopelessly naive to believe that it will constantly be a tale of romantic days and nights,on the other hand , for something so divine to dwindle down to hate, disgust and disillusionment, is tragic.
Why does this happen? And so often? More a rule than an exception today. Yes, 'today' moreso. Lets face it we are more analytical, incisive, questioning than our fathers and forefathers. While this may have proved so profitable in wordly matters, in inter-personal relationships it has proved to be a downer. If we are happy, we spend time analysing, dissecting 'why'..and if unhappy then naturally, the brooding is endless.If he loves you ..there is 'why' and fears , doubts 'what if he deserts me'. If he/she leaves then ofcourse again 'Why'?
Sometimes to accept without doubt, or simply without rhyme or reason, is not only less traumatic, but painless and uncomplicated as well. Just be.. in love. But wait..
This 'many splendoured thing', is it really as pleasurable, blissful, ethereal as touted by poets, writers, legends we have been fed on. If it is , why is it so ephemeral? So slippery, it nimbly slides through the fingertips as a butterflies wings. Or so we think.The truth being that we dont really give love a chance.
Without attempting to take on a biased stance, either for or against either gender, what is glaringly apparent is the fact that we as a race have forgotten how to perceive love. Apart from its physical aspect. Infact , what it has degenerated into is just that.. 'physical'. Since 'it' can never sustain a relationship, and since caring, respect and acceptance have not taken on an 'expression', soon the emptiness and hollowness of the once blossoming , wholesome vibration, surfaces.
Who is to blame? For one, the Mills and Boon, Barbara Cartland, When Harry met Sally, Pretty woman, type fairy tales of love. Our youthful days are fed on a diet of fun, frolic, jazzy, funky, cheesy, glitzy, rose tinted glasses prism of love. It may seem ever-so-perfect, but is like the 'chocolate house' in the fairy tale, where the old woman lured children only to cook them for her next meal. Without meaning to stultify the debate, the idea is to propound the theory of 'fairy tale romances' as a culprit.
We all love "love stories. The problem lies in our unswerving aim to replicate it in our lives. Bound to lead to disgruntlement, dissatisfaction, frustration and then a drifting apart.. in that order.
Love is a Verb. Relationships moreso. It requires, doing. More often than not, once the 'time to disco' begins to develop cracks, there is nothing to fall back on. Life without the tints, is harsh, stark and ruthless. But where is the orientation for honing coping skills? Movies.. end at marriage. Life, begins then.
Lets question our innermost subtle motives, honestly. We tend to love a person not for what he/she is, but for what they make us feel about ourselves. It is what we transform into while in their midst. So primarily, true love is within. Looking for it outside is erroneous.
Having experienced the emotion in all its glory, why does it fade away? We begin to see more of what is unacceptable, simultaneously ignoring what is acceptable. Familiarity breeds contempt.. If this be true can love, therefore which thrives on familiarity, intrinsically, survive in this scenario?
Yes. If we ponder long enough over this wise crack "“Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
Monday, May 15, 2006
Must Read
Hey Guys,
Miss you too.
Meanwhile, I suggest you go to this e-mag by Kavita Chhibber.
Not only is it a great read, but Kavita is one of the most loving, caring and warm human beings I have had the good fortune to encounter. That she is an erudite journalist is a given and only contributes to the success of her mag.
More Power to you Kavita..(psst..is it a mere coincidence that kavi/eetas are err..nice?)
So go on and visit the site.
Even on vacation I had a quick 'dekho'.. could not resist it.
Miss you too.
Meanwhile, I suggest you go to this e-mag by Kavita Chhibber.
Not only is it a great read, but Kavita is one of the most loving, caring and warm human beings I have had the good fortune to encounter. That she is an erudite journalist is a given and only contributes to the success of her mag.
More Power to you Kavita..(psst..is it a mere coincidence that kavi/eetas are err..nice?)
So go on and visit the site.
Even on vacation I had a quick 'dekho'.. could not resist it.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
A Note from Afar
sachiniti
Lazy, langurous, lush mornings
Cool, chirpy and calm.
afternoons lulling peacefully
in Natures warm embrace.
Candle-lit, aroma-ed, delectable evenings,
with memories of sun-kissed sand.
The search continues unabated
Reading
Long into the night.
Hey Guys.. you guessed right...Am on vacation
Will be back soon.
Lazy, langurous, lush mornings
Cool, chirpy and calm.
afternoons lulling peacefully
in Natures warm embrace.
Candle-lit, aroma-ed, delectable evenings,
with memories of sun-kissed sand.
The search continues unabated
Reading
Long into the night.
Hey Guys.. you guessed right...Am on vacation
Will be back soon.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Challenging Love:Siblings
One has often wondered at the truism of the statement 'You are your relationships'. An all encompassing canvas here. Includes, marriage partners, partners at work, social acquaintances, friends and siblings.
The other wisecrack that has vindicated itself from ancient times right down to our present is "God gave us our relatives, thank God we can choose our friends". Cynically true.So the fact that we were born under a particular set of circumstances, with a designated family, extended family, locality, state, nation, is of greater significance than we care to imagine. We can better it (by choosing our friends{wicked smirk}) cannot reverse it.
We are meant to learn and discover ourselves through these realtionships which provide us with the opportunity to bring to the surface traits which we had no inkling existed in our mentality. Good or bad, again is part of destiny, I suppose.
There have been enough incidents in the news to ignore the phenomenon of one of the relationships, namely siblings. It seems in major trouble. Why is there such a paucity of genuine caring, love and concern between siblings today? It has degenerated to the extent of rivalry, not restricted to the purely psychological but manifesting itself through actual violence! Surprising and frightening.
It is easy to condemn but difficult to analyse the factors which contribute so keenly to the widespread almost ubiquitous display. In fact, love between siblings is an exceptional case, whilst rivalry the norm, that too accepted without any visible signs of amazement.
The foremost reason ,prima facie, points towards parents. Whilst it cannot be the sole, it is a major contributory. In my humble opinion, inadvertently, parents sow the seeds of dissension in childhood. How? Consider this:
1) Comparison as a tool for betterment. While the reason to do so may be innocent, the resultant effect is definitely grievous. The lesser one feels animosity and soon resentment has found a breeding ground.
2) Partiality.. for one reason or another. For example, normally parents tend to adore obvious displays of affection and verbal, physical manifestations of emotion. Some children who are quieter or reserved may feel their inability to express ,a deterrent which only gets worse with time as the parental love with the other gets stronger in contrast to his. Quite a catch 22.
3) Parents open keenness on material comforts and gains. It sends the wrong signals to kids that material posessions and advancement is legitimate..Parents approval is present, so long as gains accrue. This may or may not be the sole purose of the other childs existence or on his list of priorities and capabilities.
4)In this scenario, if parents then begin favouring the wealthier and consider him above reproach, by virtue of his success story, the damage is untold. Whether children openly declare or keep it under wraps, the need for parental approval and back patting is a necessary ingredient .When both success and collaterally parental encouragement is lacking, resentment is bound to be the fallout.
5) Parents relationship with their own siblings. Is it a story of sacrifice and tolerance, an exemplification of love beyond all other concerns, or a tale of endless complaints and resentments? Children are keen imitators and quick learners. Why would they wish to do any different?
6) The importance of a neat, clean, life in terms of ethics, morals, principles and outlook. Has this been sufficiently ingrained?
These are what comes to mind in a general context. Situations vary and there may be so many more which are specific to the particular circumstance.
Yesterday, on a visit to the newest addition of swanky restaurants of Khar(btw it is the centre of town these days..old order changeth)on the occasion of sonnys birthday, happened to bump into a class mate from college. She had married into a well known celebrity family in Mumbai, while in college itself, much in keeping with the traditional concept of womanhood, at the time.
My first reaction to myself on seeing her "Gosh, where has the glow disappeared??" Of course this had nothing to do with the fact that she was not in her teens now and all of that. It had more to do with the blank smile, vacant gaze and a certain melancholy which seemed apparent even in the first few minutes.
It had visibly upset me to see her this way. Perhaps sensing my concern and my hesitation to openly enquire , she took me aside and broke down. This is what she had to say. Her father-in-law was the brother of the celebrity of sorts, who had been handling his career. Being the elder he felt obliged to. Also being the lesser in worldly -wise business sense he relented to the younger and his good offices, taking care of financial investments which the two had made over the years, apart from their family business.
In a nut-shell, despite reminders by the elder to make clear-cut demarcations of property and allocation of funds, the younger delayed with sweetness personnified and averments of the kind"Do you think Brother, that I will ever dupe you?"
Her father-in-law recently expired. All hell broke loose when the sons and mother realised that they were literally at the mercy of the younger on for every morsel, so-to-speak. The sons were furious, understandably. They threatened legal action. The younger, probably in anticipation of this eventuality, showed his hand. He was the legal owner of their apartment, factories and plots. So go scream at the gulls now!!
Net result. My friend and her family find themselves fending off the bank, who has threatened to sue , since the instalments have been discontinued. Her husband has had to take up acting assignments to make a living. And she sells Insurance.. which as the tag says , is a matter of solicitation.
The fact that one is born from the same parents, does not make us brothers and sisters. It merely makes us SIBLINGS. To be a family, in the true spirit, requires a lifetime of sacrifices, tolerance, patience and a will to be worthy of being called so.
In the meanwhile, I find myself trying to unearth stories from our ancient texts to glorify sibling love to my kids, since the media and newspapers have made a Taliban of the situation. How does one explain to them that it is an unnatural sequence of event , NOT to care for your family. There is a purpose to having been born from the same mother.. If only to learn that life as teacher is not easy to contend with. You dont always get what you want or deserve.
However, what we take back from our sojourn here on the planet, in terms of memories, love and happiness should be richer in content than what had been dished out. Or it has been a total loss.
Update 3rd May06..
The trigger for this post has taken on a rather tragic turn
Have just received the news of the death of Mr.Promod Mahajan.Extremely sad and shocking.History will link the name of Mr. Mahajan with the name of his brother Pravin, to stand as testimonial forever of Sibling Rivalry in its most demonic and deplorable manifestation.
An elder brother who paid with his life for the jealousy and envy of a younger sibling, whom he had brought up as his own son. A younger brother who was blinded by his frustration at not being as celebrated as his older brother, succumbed to traits which are the bane of humanity.
This proves once and for all that merely being born of the same mother is no guarantee of being a brother in its most appropriate connotation... He was just a Sibling. One to who enmity was reason enough to shed that blood by which they were bound.
Shame.. A testimonial forever now of the degeneration of our morals. India once the land of the rishis and the maharishis, is today one of criminals and criminilisation of every aspect of social, political, personal life.
A truly sad day for India..To be such a spectacle in the eyes of the world..Am too overcome to think of further ramifications to this ghastly episode.
The other wisecrack that has vindicated itself from ancient times right down to our present is "God gave us our relatives, thank God we can choose our friends". Cynically true.So the fact that we were born under a particular set of circumstances, with a designated family, extended family, locality, state, nation, is of greater significance than we care to imagine. We can better it (by choosing our friends{wicked smirk}) cannot reverse it.
We are meant to learn and discover ourselves through these realtionships which provide us with the opportunity to bring to the surface traits which we had no inkling existed in our mentality. Good or bad, again is part of destiny, I suppose.
There have been enough incidents in the news to ignore the phenomenon of one of the relationships, namely siblings. It seems in major trouble. Why is there such a paucity of genuine caring, love and concern between siblings today? It has degenerated to the extent of rivalry, not restricted to the purely psychological but manifesting itself through actual violence! Surprising and frightening.
It is easy to condemn but difficult to analyse the factors which contribute so keenly to the widespread almost ubiquitous display. In fact, love between siblings is an exceptional case, whilst rivalry the norm, that too accepted without any visible signs of amazement.
The foremost reason ,prima facie, points towards parents. Whilst it cannot be the sole, it is a major contributory. In my humble opinion, inadvertently, parents sow the seeds of dissension in childhood. How? Consider this:
1) Comparison as a tool for betterment. While the reason to do so may be innocent, the resultant effect is definitely grievous. The lesser one feels animosity and soon resentment has found a breeding ground.
2) Partiality.. for one reason or another. For example, normally parents tend to adore obvious displays of affection and verbal, physical manifestations of emotion. Some children who are quieter or reserved may feel their inability to express ,a deterrent which only gets worse with time as the parental love with the other gets stronger in contrast to his. Quite a catch 22.
3) Parents open keenness on material comforts and gains. It sends the wrong signals to kids that material posessions and advancement is legitimate..Parents approval is present, so long as gains accrue. This may or may not be the sole purose of the other childs existence or on his list of priorities and capabilities.
4)In this scenario, if parents then begin favouring the wealthier and consider him above reproach, by virtue of his success story, the damage is untold. Whether children openly declare or keep it under wraps, the need for parental approval and back patting is a necessary ingredient .When both success and collaterally parental encouragement is lacking, resentment is bound to be the fallout.
5) Parents relationship with their own siblings. Is it a story of sacrifice and tolerance, an exemplification of love beyond all other concerns, or a tale of endless complaints and resentments? Children are keen imitators and quick learners. Why would they wish to do any different?
6) The importance of a neat, clean, life in terms of ethics, morals, principles and outlook. Has this been sufficiently ingrained?
These are what comes to mind in a general context. Situations vary and there may be so many more which are specific to the particular circumstance.
Yesterday, on a visit to the newest addition of swanky restaurants of Khar(btw it is the centre of town these days..old order changeth)on the occasion of sonnys birthday, happened to bump into a class mate from college. She had married into a well known celebrity family in Mumbai, while in college itself, much in keeping with the traditional concept of womanhood, at the time.
My first reaction to myself on seeing her "Gosh, where has the glow disappeared??" Of course this had nothing to do with the fact that she was not in her teens now and all of that. It had more to do with the blank smile, vacant gaze and a certain melancholy which seemed apparent even in the first few minutes.
It had visibly upset me to see her this way. Perhaps sensing my concern and my hesitation to openly enquire , she took me aside and broke down. This is what she had to say. Her father-in-law was the brother of the celebrity of sorts, who had been handling his career. Being the elder he felt obliged to. Also being the lesser in worldly -wise business sense he relented to the younger and his good offices, taking care of financial investments which the two had made over the years, apart from their family business.
In a nut-shell, despite reminders by the elder to make clear-cut demarcations of property and allocation of funds, the younger delayed with sweetness personnified and averments of the kind"Do you think Brother, that I will ever dupe you?"
Her father-in-law recently expired. All hell broke loose when the sons and mother realised that they were literally at the mercy of the younger on for every morsel, so-to-speak. The sons were furious, understandably. They threatened legal action. The younger, probably in anticipation of this eventuality, showed his hand. He was the legal owner of their apartment, factories and plots. So go scream at the gulls now!!
Net result. My friend and her family find themselves fending off the bank, who has threatened to sue , since the instalments have been discontinued. Her husband has had to take up acting assignments to make a living. And she sells Insurance.. which as the tag says , is a matter of solicitation.
The fact that one is born from the same parents, does not make us brothers and sisters. It merely makes us SIBLINGS. To be a family, in the true spirit, requires a lifetime of sacrifices, tolerance, patience and a will to be worthy of being called so.
In the meanwhile, I find myself trying to unearth stories from our ancient texts to glorify sibling love to my kids, since the media and newspapers have made a Taliban of the situation. How does one explain to them that it is an unnatural sequence of event , NOT to care for your family. There is a purpose to having been born from the same mother.. If only to learn that life as teacher is not easy to contend with. You dont always get what you want or deserve.
However, what we take back from our sojourn here on the planet, in terms of memories, love and happiness should be richer in content than what had been dished out. Or it has been a total loss.
Update 3rd May06..
The trigger for this post has taken on a rather tragic turn
Have just received the news of the death of Mr.Promod Mahajan.Extremely sad and shocking.History will link the name of Mr. Mahajan with the name of his brother Pravin, to stand as testimonial forever of Sibling Rivalry in its most demonic and deplorable manifestation.
An elder brother who paid with his life for the jealousy and envy of a younger sibling, whom he had brought up as his own son. A younger brother who was blinded by his frustration at not being as celebrated as his older brother, succumbed to traits which are the bane of humanity.
This proves once and for all that merely being born of the same mother is no guarantee of being a brother in its most appropriate connotation... He was just a Sibling. One to who enmity was reason enough to shed that blood by which they were bound.
Shame.. A testimonial forever now of the degeneration of our morals. India once the land of the rishis and the maharishis, is today one of criminals and criminilisation of every aspect of social, political, personal life.
A truly sad day for India..To be such a spectacle in the eyes of the world..Am too overcome to think of further ramifications to this ghastly episode.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Sati, Suicide, Murder, Rose-Whats In A Name
India, the land of mystics and mysticism, snakes and snake charmers, elephants and mahouts, Maharishis and Maharajas.
While all of the above fail to make news any more and are nearly as extinct as the soon to be 'black buck' of Salman Khan fame..what lives on is Sati- a ritual where the widow burns herself on the funeral pyre of her husband.
A recent incident invited attention to this dehumnanising practise which Raja ram Mohan Roy and Lord William Bentick had abolished almost 175 years back, or so it appeared.
It is alive(?) and well in rural India. There are almost 250 temples in the country with a continuous flow of devotees. The most high profile and hyped self-immolation was that of Roop Kanwar, all of 19, who died on the pyre of her 75 year old husband. There have been scores which have gone unreported, for every one with its story in print.
History bears evidence that this practise was adopted to save the widows from being captured alive by attacking forces,of the neighbouring countries. What has remained under wraps however is whether the act itself was intentional or one of coercion due to various factors. There have been rampant incidents of aspersions cast on the dishonorable intentions of relatives who, in their avarice and greed for the wealth/property of the deceased would rather have the widow 'out of' the fight for inheritance.Therefore, cloaked in fanfare and ritualistic 'tamasha' the innocent and helpless wife found herself burnt alive, and a temple built, as a mute evidence of the most heinous of crimes. A 'halloed honor ' for a murder most foul.
"Sati-Mata"..Right.. So long as she graces the temple as a stone idol!
The Sati(Prevention) Act of 1987, minus teeth, was unsuccessful in curbing the practise. What is heartening is the news reported by The Times Of India that a bill to the effect of putting the onus on preventing sati on the family and village, is under way..A bill incorporating new clauses will be introduced soon in the Parliament where"it will be presumed that the sati was attempted under duress and that the immediate family was in a position to stop her but did not." a progressive piece of legislation where the proposed law makes no distinction between 'passive observers and abettors'.
The widow, will thus be protected by law from being coerced to end her life if destiny has decided to end her husbands. Fair enough. Would that however spell financial relief, social acceptance, and familial respect? NO. A society which has been anaesthetised into accepting an age old practise as mere spectators has also in the process convinced itself of its validity and relevance. Judicial intervention is not going to be welcomed with alacrity.
"How can we stop her from committing suicide?" In all probability this will be the resigned response from relatives of another widow, from that community when news of her death surfaces. Sati, albeit , a new name, Suicide.
Women Dispensation is the reality, Women Empowerment .. a myth
Consider for the sake of hypothesis, that the widow does genuinely care enough for her deceased husband. Would she even in the given scenario agree to extinguish her life or opt for it under duress? Or the fact that she fears for her safety in any case? This itself is a relection of the bindings and social stigma at work in rural India.
So India is a land of diversities.. Whats new about that!! nothing.. Here is another reason 'To Die for'..latest report of a Dowry death.
I love my country..Which other, the world over, boasts of such ingenuous methods and reasons for murder?
While all of the above fail to make news any more and are nearly as extinct as the soon to be 'black buck' of Salman Khan fame..what lives on is Sati- a ritual where the widow burns herself on the funeral pyre of her husband.
A recent incident invited attention to this dehumnanising practise which Raja ram Mohan Roy and Lord William Bentick had abolished almost 175 years back, or so it appeared.
It is alive(?) and well in rural India. There are almost 250 temples in the country with a continuous flow of devotees. The most high profile and hyped self-immolation was that of Roop Kanwar, all of 19, who died on the pyre of her 75 year old husband. There have been scores which have gone unreported, for every one with its story in print.
History bears evidence that this practise was adopted to save the widows from being captured alive by attacking forces,of the neighbouring countries. What has remained under wraps however is whether the act itself was intentional or one of coercion due to various factors. There have been rampant incidents of aspersions cast on the dishonorable intentions of relatives who, in their avarice and greed for the wealth/property of the deceased would rather have the widow 'out of' the fight for inheritance.Therefore, cloaked in fanfare and ritualistic 'tamasha' the innocent and helpless wife found herself burnt alive, and a temple built, as a mute evidence of the most heinous of crimes. A 'halloed honor ' for a murder most foul.
"Sati-Mata"..Right.. So long as she graces the temple as a stone idol!
The Sati(Prevention) Act of 1987, minus teeth, was unsuccessful in curbing the practise. What is heartening is the news reported by The Times Of India that a bill to the effect of putting the onus on preventing sati on the family and village, is under way..A bill incorporating new clauses will be introduced soon in the Parliament where"it will be presumed that the sati was attempted under duress and that the immediate family was in a position to stop her but did not." a progressive piece of legislation where the proposed law makes no distinction between 'passive observers and abettors'.
The widow, will thus be protected by law from being coerced to end her life if destiny has decided to end her husbands. Fair enough. Would that however spell financial relief, social acceptance, and familial respect? NO. A society which has been anaesthetised into accepting an age old practise as mere spectators has also in the process convinced itself of its validity and relevance. Judicial intervention is not going to be welcomed with alacrity.
"How can we stop her from committing suicide?" In all probability this will be the resigned response from relatives of another widow, from that community when news of her death surfaces. Sati, albeit , a new name, Suicide.
Women Dispensation is the reality, Women Empowerment .. a myth
Consider for the sake of hypothesis, that the widow does genuinely care enough for her deceased husband. Would she even in the given scenario agree to extinguish her life or opt for it under duress? Or the fact that she fears for her safety in any case? This itself is a relection of the bindings and social stigma at work in rural India.
So India is a land of diversities.. Whats new about that!! nothing.. Here is another reason 'To Die for'..latest report of a Dowry death.
I love my country..Which other, the world over, boasts of such ingenuous methods and reasons for murder?
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Just Some News
Since I hadnt checked on the technorati links for almost a week, decided to do that. And look what I found..This!! For me n my Sachiniti..awww.. I am so touched.
Few things in life get you all weepy,grateful and humbled!
I want to really thank all those who have bothered to listen. Just to see the site meter clicking was enough proof that you all were here. A special mmmuuaahh ofcourse to those who have been so kind and wonderful with their comments.
Gosh!!..must check myself.. before I begin to thank my parents, hubby, kiddies, doggy. neighbours..and make it sound like Rekhas lifetime achievement award speech..I will sign off.
Waving.. a flying kiss with my tear laden lace kerchief.. Marilyn Monroe-ish..
Few things in life get you all weepy,grateful and humbled!
I want to really thank all those who have bothered to listen. Just to see the site meter clicking was enough proof that you all were here. A special mmmuuaahh ofcourse to those who have been so kind and wonderful with their comments.
Gosh!!..must check myself.. before I begin to thank my parents, hubby, kiddies, doggy. neighbours..and make it sound like Rekhas lifetime achievement award speech..I will sign off.
Waving.. a flying kiss with my tear laden lace kerchief.. Marilyn Monroe-ish..
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Masks
"A mask tells us more than a face.”
If there is something which is ubiquitous, across the board, ethnicities, cultures, nations, nationalities, races, civilisations..it is the irrepressible tendency of humans to mask..as in a verb. Their intentions, desires, moods, temperament, in fact their whole personality.
Strange isnt it? I mean you spend a lifetime becoming what you are and then spend a major part of it masking that. So then, why did you get to be that in the first place? (funny.. how much one can convey just with the usage of prepositions!)
Is there then "Cinderella time" for the clock to strike and the mask to melt away into nothingness, or does it after a while become a fixture, beneath which only a shadow of the original exists, wrinkled, jaded, shrivelled!
Given the present scenario, how does one then operate? Does one have to have one as well? A social mask for a masked society? I wonder then if one gets aware of the circumstance of donning it or does it magically appear at will, a la Superman/woman, spiderman/woman, catman/woman..will have to ask son for further references..
And Truth? What of that? Oh! it shines through.. at times.. when in love and the one beneath decides to unburden the tragedy of his being and revel in the freedom of just Being, in the hope of acceptance on 'an as is where is basis'..not long before time decides to unleash its seasonal fury and the mask of the other gets blown away to smithereens to reveal who? A stranger...ah Well! all in the game of life.
Come to think of it, is it really that 'all pervasive', this mask business ? Lets look around.. internet..hmm pseudonyms, friends...reliable?naah, family.. of course.. 'blood is thicker than water and all that'..yeah Pravin proved that by actually shedding it..and us? Well me.. I write under my own name, have been attacked since times immemorial because of my inability to cloak my feelings, so thats two+.. as for the rest well who knows ..am yet in the process of discovering.
Difficult process.. if you ask me.. since one is unable to decipher when it came on or if it has come on at all? Scary .. It strikes surreptitiously and is so infectious. By merely looking at one , there are grave chances of it manifesting with alarming equality or greater proportion on to you.And before you know it hey presto! there you are responding, reverberating, echoing, tones, voices, accents, attitudes..
“Our masks, always in peril of smearing or cracking, in need of continuous check in the mirror or silverware, keep us in thrall to ourselves, concerned with our surfaces.” ..Tricky business this.. make, preserve, modernise, refresh, re-mix,chameleon like:)( No reference to you CK. just so apt for the point)
Then why even bother? Why not just BE? Savour the freedom of your own emotions, thughts, personality, ideas.. Because 'No one is more youer than you'.. and as long as it is you who loves your self, why bother if the world does , one way or the other? It is the one in the mirror who has to smile back..the world's smile maybe the mask of a clowns, in any case.. who knows?
'Summon all the strength to rip off that mask'..Oxygenate, Live and Love. You come by this way just once..
If there is something which is ubiquitous, across the board, ethnicities, cultures, nations, nationalities, races, civilisations..it is the irrepressible tendency of humans to mask..as in a verb. Their intentions, desires, moods, temperament, in fact their whole personality.
Strange isnt it? I mean you spend a lifetime becoming what you are and then spend a major part of it masking that. So then, why did you get to be that in the first place? (funny.. how much one can convey just with the usage of prepositions!)
Is there then "Cinderella time" for the clock to strike and the mask to melt away into nothingness, or does it after a while become a fixture, beneath which only a shadow of the original exists, wrinkled, jaded, shrivelled!
Given the present scenario, how does one then operate? Does one have to have one as well? A social mask for a masked society? I wonder then if one gets aware of the circumstance of donning it or does it magically appear at will, a la Superman/woman, spiderman/woman, catman/woman..will have to ask son for further references..
And Truth? What of that? Oh! it shines through.. at times.. when in love and the one beneath decides to unburden the tragedy of his being and revel in the freedom of just Being, in the hope of acceptance on 'an as is where is basis'..not long before time decides to unleash its seasonal fury and the mask of the other gets blown away to smithereens to reveal who? A stranger...ah Well! all in the game of life.
Come to think of it, is it really that 'all pervasive', this mask business ? Lets look around.. internet..hmm pseudonyms, friends...reliable?naah, family.. of course.. 'blood is thicker than water and all that'..yeah Pravin proved that by actually shedding it..and us? Well me.. I write under my own name, have been attacked since times immemorial because of my inability to cloak my feelings, so thats two+.. as for the rest well who knows ..am yet in the process of discovering.
Difficult process.. if you ask me.. since one is unable to decipher when it came on or if it has come on at all? Scary .. It strikes surreptitiously and is so infectious. By merely looking at one , there are grave chances of it manifesting with alarming equality or greater proportion on to you.And before you know it hey presto! there you are responding, reverberating, echoing, tones, voices, accents, attitudes..
“Our masks, always in peril of smearing or cracking, in need of continuous check in the mirror or silverware, keep us in thrall to ourselves, concerned with our surfaces.” ..Tricky business this.. make, preserve, modernise, refresh, re-mix,chameleon like:)( No reference to you CK. just so apt for the point)
Then why even bother? Why not just BE? Savour the freedom of your own emotions, thughts, personality, ideas.. Because 'No one is more youer than you'.. and as long as it is you who loves your self, why bother if the world does , one way or the other? It is the one in the mirror who has to smile back..the world's smile maybe the mask of a clowns, in any case.. who knows?
'Summon all the strength to rip off that mask'..Oxygenate, Live and Love. You come by this way just once..
Monday, April 24, 2006
Suicide..Navin Nischol's Wife
Promod Mahajans brother Pravin shot him at point blank range, in what seemed as a pre-meditated act, stemming from frustration at being the 'ignored poorer' one. The media, internet have been all agog with the News. Rightfully so. Sibling rivalry in its latest serpiginous reflection.
What caught my attention however, was the underhyped but equally ,if not more tragic news of the suicide of actor Navin Nischols (Sawan bhadon, Buddha mil gaya fame) wife Geetanjali. She was at home at her Mahim residence when she decided to put an end to her sufferings, or so she imagined, by hanging herself from the ceiling fan.Her servants reported the incident.So... another unsung, unceremonious, futile end! Another love story bites the dust. There is nothing more heartbreaking than to be witness to a heart break.
A while back, in an interview to the media she had gone on record to narrate how Navins brother Pravin( again!what is with this name!) Nischol had allegedly duped them of their plush apartment at Khar, which had been bought with Navins money in the '80's, but had been on Pravins name to avoid tax hassles, or so she claimed. Financial constraints had led them to become homeless and therefore were now living in appalling conditions at Mahim.
The 'alleged' suicide note, found by the police states however that she was taking her life due to the alcoholism of Navin and the property dispute. Reports claim that Navin had been living separately for almost a year, in Pune.
Irrespective of the details and circumstances, which would be unfair to comment upon without adequate proof, what seems clear is that the couple had been unable to cope with
1)adversities in finances
2)adversities in career
3)adversities in relationships
This was a second marriage for both.Barely six years old.
Walking the tightrope of life, , a piece on the suicide of Kuljeet Randhawa, in totally different circumstances, will shed further light on the sreiousness of this scenario and the underlying causes and implications. She was an acclaimed actress and model, young and beautiful. Her reasons surprisingly too boiled down to failed relationships.
“Anguish of mind has driven thousands to suicide; anguish of body, none. This proves that the health of the mind is of far more consequence to our happiness than the health of the body, although both are deserving of much more attention than either of them receive.”
While I am feeding in details of the news which at most skims the surface of what is working in my mind right now, I find it increasingly tragic that in this world of apparent modernisation and progress, humans find themselves alone, forlorn and at sea, desperate and friendless. Also, it is sadly true that positivity is a sentiment which is starkly unavailable as an ingredient of the lives of most,especially at times like these.
"Adversity is the salt of life"..so said Swami Vivekananda. Remembered by some, but adhered to by fewer!
Do we tend to give our all to emotional well-being over and above any other? Yet fail to instill in each other the joyous wonder of being together as the only premise worth any deduction.
If , love be the centre of our existence, why cannot we love unconditionally? Not in expectation of any return and to avoid in the face of disappointment, hurt? Alternatively, desist from placing our life in the palm of another humans inconsistent loyalties or capabilities of reciprocation. The other maybe as confused or himself/herself in need of strength and solace.To expect super human efforts from another while not displaying any ourselves, is fallacious and can only lead to disaster. As has been apparent in this case.
Most men are at their lowest, if careers fail to translate into compensatory and commensurate returns financially. It is at such periods in life that most marriages break under the pressure of coping with the demands of life on one hand and an unresponsive or asympathetic spouse on the other. What should have been a 'give only'relationship, in terms of love and understanding, disintegrates into a 'take only'. Soon the 'blame game' takes over and the two become unrecognisable even to themselves.
“True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.”
The path of love and togetherness is fraught with uncertainties, trials and tribulations.
A hint of philosophy, which points towards the direction of patience and wisdom, a tinge of spirituality which opens up need for faith and trust in the Unknown Plan, and a dollop of love for that one person who has pledged herself/himself to you, would go a far way in minimising incidents such as these, which speak of a Broken heart, more than anything else and the final revenge at having not been heard.
Is suicide then the end to suffering? Negative. If only she had known that perhaps it would serve only to perpetuate the seed of unhappiness which could have been allowed to wither away on its own, over time, with patience, in barren soil inconducive to erroneous thinking, emerging out of an awakened mind. If only..
What caught my attention however, was the underhyped but equally ,if not more tragic news of the suicide of actor Navin Nischols (Sawan bhadon, Buddha mil gaya fame) wife Geetanjali. She was at home at her Mahim residence when she decided to put an end to her sufferings, or so she imagined, by hanging herself from the ceiling fan.Her servants reported the incident.So... another unsung, unceremonious, futile end! Another love story bites the dust. There is nothing more heartbreaking than to be witness to a heart break.
A while back, in an interview to the media she had gone on record to narrate how Navins brother Pravin( again!what is with this name!) Nischol had allegedly duped them of their plush apartment at Khar, which had been bought with Navins money in the '80's, but had been on Pravins name to avoid tax hassles, or so she claimed. Financial constraints had led them to become homeless and therefore were now living in appalling conditions at Mahim.
The 'alleged' suicide note, found by the police states however that she was taking her life due to the alcoholism of Navin and the property dispute. Reports claim that Navin had been living separately for almost a year, in Pune.
Irrespective of the details and circumstances, which would be unfair to comment upon without adequate proof, what seems clear is that the couple had been unable to cope with
1)adversities in finances
2)adversities in career
3)adversities in relationships
This was a second marriage for both.Barely six years old.
Walking the tightrope of life, , a piece on the suicide of Kuljeet Randhawa, in totally different circumstances, will shed further light on the sreiousness of this scenario and the underlying causes and implications. She was an acclaimed actress and model, young and beautiful. Her reasons surprisingly too boiled down to failed relationships.
“Anguish of mind has driven thousands to suicide; anguish of body, none. This proves that the health of the mind is of far more consequence to our happiness than the health of the body, although both are deserving of much more attention than either of them receive.”
While I am feeding in details of the news which at most skims the surface of what is working in my mind right now, I find it increasingly tragic that in this world of apparent modernisation and progress, humans find themselves alone, forlorn and at sea, desperate and friendless. Also, it is sadly true that positivity is a sentiment which is starkly unavailable as an ingredient of the lives of most,especially at times like these.
"Adversity is the salt of life"..so said Swami Vivekananda. Remembered by some, but adhered to by fewer!
Do we tend to give our all to emotional well-being over and above any other? Yet fail to instill in each other the joyous wonder of being together as the only premise worth any deduction.
If , love be the centre of our existence, why cannot we love unconditionally? Not in expectation of any return and to avoid in the face of disappointment, hurt? Alternatively, desist from placing our life in the palm of another humans inconsistent loyalties or capabilities of reciprocation. The other maybe as confused or himself/herself in need of strength and solace.To expect super human efforts from another while not displaying any ourselves, is fallacious and can only lead to disaster. As has been apparent in this case.
Most men are at their lowest, if careers fail to translate into compensatory and commensurate returns financially. It is at such periods in life that most marriages break under the pressure of coping with the demands of life on one hand and an unresponsive or asympathetic spouse on the other. What should have been a 'give only'relationship, in terms of love and understanding, disintegrates into a 'take only'. Soon the 'blame game' takes over and the two become unrecognisable even to themselves.
“True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.”
The path of love and togetherness is fraught with uncertainties, trials and tribulations.
A hint of philosophy, which points towards the direction of patience and wisdom, a tinge of spirituality which opens up need for faith and trust in the Unknown Plan, and a dollop of love for that one person who has pledged herself/himself to you, would go a far way in minimising incidents such as these, which speak of a Broken heart, more than anything else and the final revenge at having not been heard.
Is suicide then the end to suffering? Negative. If only she had known that perhaps it would serve only to perpetuate the seed of unhappiness which could have been allowed to wither away on its own, over time, with patience, in barren soil inconducive to erroneous thinking, emerging out of an awakened mind. If only..
Saturday, April 22, 2006
No Ring - No String
I met a girl , couple of days back, at a social do. The usual kind of party where you meet some interesting, some not so, some nice, some not so, some who you take back with you in memories and others who you want to forget the moment they are out of your sight.
She was the former variety, interesting , nice and the fact I am writing about her amounts to the fact that she was memorable. Pretty, in a bizarre sort of way and totally in-the-face.With her attitude, speech and stance.
A while ago, I would have made my excuses and strolled off. I found it difficult to come to terms with this 'new breed', to whom irreverence is a choice and a badge they wear as an identity status.
Surprisingly, ever since I joined the ranks of 'blogging community', I notice that my reserve and trepidation at 'dialoguing' with the kind is slowly melting. Even almost disappearing. I find myself warming to their view point and eager to know their take on almost every issue under the sun..which includes of course, the quintessential topic of discussion among humanity as a whole- Marriage.
The above title of the post was thanks to my new friend. It more or less is self explanatory on what she thinks of this great'institution' of marriage. Or rather does not think of it, as one. To every argument I put forward with all the eloquence at my disposal, or 'weight of experience', all I got from her was "why?" or a "so what?", "why bother" and finally "its just not worth it"..period.
I was taken aback, initially, at the generous dollops of slang that interspersed her vociferous fragmented utterances. You'd be too. Try envisaging the above four worders punctuated with six f's and 3 a's. But once the reasoning behind the heavily cloaked words reached my overwhelmingly and by-now groggy mind, I actually found myself telling her "I think you are right.. I would have done the same too." Hubby ofcourse at this point, had given up on the two of us and decided to replenish his stem glass.
To put it as succinctly as I can, she believed that most men/women today do not believe in marriage as being the only worthwhile destination in their life. If the reason for marriage is stability, then she didnt need a man to give it to her. Emotional needs,well, which husband remains your best friend, once the initial euphoria has died down. Physical needs?? "You must be joking..Hitch up for life for a roll in the hay? Never!!". What about envy at those happily married snap shot families, kids in tow, munching on crunchies, at a theatre. Wont she miss it?.. Yeah right..go home to a hubby who promptly goes off to sleep and you are left handling the kids their tantrums and an acrylic sense of having had a good time!
Compare that with the brazenness of telling the guy who decides to exhibit his male ego by reminding her how she ought to be doing this that or the other, with a s***w off. Coming back to a place where she can be the person she wants to, never made to feel guilty for choosing to have a life, and not just babies!!
"Independence" in its most recent and progressive(?) connotation. So what happens now to Kids? Will they happen? And if they do, will they have a home with Papa and Mama?
Is it just years of conditioning that accentuates a family as we know it, or is it the only way it was meant to be? Are single parent families the future?
What of "and they lived happily ever after "endings? Or, were they fairy tales after all..there are no endings of the kind.
She was the former variety, interesting , nice and the fact I am writing about her amounts to the fact that she was memorable. Pretty, in a bizarre sort of way and totally in-the-face.With her attitude, speech and stance.
A while ago, I would have made my excuses and strolled off. I found it difficult to come to terms with this 'new breed', to whom irreverence is a choice and a badge they wear as an identity status.
Surprisingly, ever since I joined the ranks of 'blogging community', I notice that my reserve and trepidation at 'dialoguing' with the kind is slowly melting. Even almost disappearing. I find myself warming to their view point and eager to know their take on almost every issue under the sun..which includes of course, the quintessential topic of discussion among humanity as a whole- Marriage.
The above title of the post was thanks to my new friend. It more or less is self explanatory on what she thinks of this great'institution' of marriage. Or rather does not think of it, as one. To every argument I put forward with all the eloquence at my disposal, or 'weight of experience', all I got from her was "why?" or a "so what?", "why bother" and finally "its just not worth it"..period.
I was taken aback, initially, at the generous dollops of slang that interspersed her vociferous fragmented utterances. You'd be too. Try envisaging the above four worders punctuated with six f's and 3 a's. But once the reasoning behind the heavily cloaked words reached my overwhelmingly and by-now groggy mind, I actually found myself telling her "I think you are right.. I would have done the same too." Hubby ofcourse at this point, had given up on the two of us and decided to replenish his stem glass.
To put it as succinctly as I can, she believed that most men/women today do not believe in marriage as being the only worthwhile destination in their life. If the reason for marriage is stability, then she didnt need a man to give it to her. Emotional needs,well, which husband remains your best friend, once the initial euphoria has died down. Physical needs?? "You must be joking..Hitch up for life for a roll in the hay? Never!!". What about envy at those happily married snap shot families, kids in tow, munching on crunchies, at a theatre. Wont she miss it?.. Yeah right..go home to a hubby who promptly goes off to sleep and you are left handling the kids their tantrums and an acrylic sense of having had a good time!
Compare that with the brazenness of telling the guy who decides to exhibit his male ego by reminding her how she ought to be doing this that or the other, with a s***w off. Coming back to a place where she can be the person she wants to, never made to feel guilty for choosing to have a life, and not just babies!!
"Independence" in its most recent and progressive(?) connotation. So what happens now to Kids? Will they happen? And if they do, will they have a home with Papa and Mama?
Is it just years of conditioning that accentuates a family as we know it, or is it the only way it was meant to be? Are single parent families the future?
What of "and they lived happily ever after "endings? Or, were they fairy tales after all..there are no endings of the kind.
