Monday, April 24, 2006

Suicide..Navin Nischol's Wife

Promod Mahajans brother Pravin shot him at point blank range, in what seemed as a pre-meditated act, stemming from frustration at being the 'ignored poorer' one. The media, internet have been all agog with the News. Rightfully so. Sibling rivalry in its latest serpiginous reflection.

What caught my attention however, was the underhyped but equally ,if not more tragic news of the suicide of actor Navin Nischols (Sawan bhadon, Buddha mil gaya fame) wife Geetanjali. She was at home at her Mahim residence when she decided to put an end to her sufferings, or so she imagined, by hanging herself from the ceiling fan.Her servants reported the incident.So... another unsung, unceremonious, futile end! Another love story bites the dust. There is nothing more heartbreaking than to be witness to a heart break.

A while back, in an interview to the media she had gone on record to narrate how Navins brother Pravin( again!what is with this name!) Nischol had allegedly duped them of their plush apartment at Khar, which had been bought with Navins money in the '80's, but had been on Pravins name to avoid tax hassles, or so she claimed. Financial constraints had led them to become homeless and therefore were now living in appalling conditions at Mahim.

The 'alleged' suicide note, found by the police states however that she was taking her life due to the alcoholism of Navin and the property dispute. Reports claim that Navin had been living separately for almost a year, in Pune.

Irrespective of the details and circumstances, which would be unfair to comment upon without adequate proof, what seems clear is that the couple had been unable to cope with

1)adversities in finances
2)adversities in career
3)adversities in relationships

This was a second marriage for both.Barely six years old.

Walking the tightrope of life, , a piece on the suicide of Kuljeet Randhawa, in totally different circumstances, will shed further light on the sreiousness of this scenario and the underlying causes and implications. She was an acclaimed actress and model, young and beautiful. Her reasons surprisingly too boiled down to failed relationships.

“Anguish of mind has driven thousands to suicide; anguish of body, none. This proves that the health of the mind is of far more consequence to our happiness than the health of the body, although both are deserving of much more attention than either of them receive.”

While I am feeding in details of the news which at most skims the surface of what is working in my mind right now, I find it increasingly tragic that in this world of apparent modernisation and progress, humans find themselves alone, forlorn and at sea, desperate and friendless. Also, it is sadly true that positivity is a sentiment which is starkly unavailable as an ingredient of the lives of most,especially at times like these.

"Adversity is the salt of life"..so said Swami Vivekananda. Remembered by some, but adhered to by fewer!

Do we tend to give our all to emotional well-being over and above any other? Yet fail to instill in each other the joyous wonder of being together as the only premise worth any deduction.

If , love be the centre of our existence, why cannot we love unconditionally? Not in expectation of any return and to avoid in the face of disappointment, hurt? Alternatively, desist from placing our life in the palm of another humans inconsistent loyalties or capabilities of reciprocation. The other maybe as confused or himself/herself in need of strength and solace.To expect super human efforts from another while not displaying any ourselves, is fallacious and can only lead to disaster. As has been apparent in this case.

Most men are at their lowest, if careers fail to translate into compensatory and commensurate returns financially. It is at such periods in life that most marriages break under the pressure of coping with the demands of life on one hand and an unresponsive or asympathetic spouse on the other. What should have been a 'give only'relationship, in terms of love and understanding, disintegrates into a 'take only'. Soon the 'blame game' takes over and the two become unrecognisable even to themselves.

“True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.”
The path of love and togetherness is fraught with uncertainties, trials and tribulations.

A hint of philosophy, which points towards the direction of patience and wisdom, a tinge of spirituality which opens up need for faith and trust in the Unknown Plan, and a dollop of love for that one person who has pledged herself/himself to you, would go a far way in minimising incidents such as these, which speak of a Broken heart, more than anything else and the final revenge at having not been heard.

Is suicide then the end to suffering? Negative. If only she had known that perhaps it would serve only to perpetuate the seed of unhappiness which could have been allowed to wither away on its own, over time, with patience, in barren soil inconducive to erroneous thinking, emerging out of an awakened mind. If only..

7 comments:

Chameleon's Karma said...

First off, thank you for adding to my vocabulary - serpiginous!!

And now to your post:

We all expect our lives to be so unique. But they're not. If you simply took the time to talk to someone and had them tell you all their saddest stories, I'm sure you'd have many common experiences. And this would grow as you asked another and another. And really, isn't that Man's eternal flaw? The fact that we can expect. We all expect a life that will never come. There's only so much fame and fortune to go around. The irony of it all lies in one small fact. The foundation of emotion we all share. These basic feelings we all feel. Desires, needs, wants... They all bring us together and cause experiences that mirror other's experiences. These common factors recreating situations, recreating pain, scrutiny and the uber desire of love. They make our lives complex to ourselves, but so simple in the big picture of things. Our mistakes, our tears, our joy... they are like raindrops from a common cloud that hit us all that form our world. Some hit here, some don't. Some flood certain areas of people, some get drought. But it's always raining somewhere.

silbil said...

the suicides that you mention seem to stem from the dependence on men...it might sound simplictic and even judgmental but belive me I am not speaking of these two women alone...
but i have observed this and thought about it a lot.
i was staying a PG with 4 other where new women came and went in 2 years.
and they all had very different personalities but teh dependence on men for financial security (all of them were working and doing well) but all were looking for men who had better packages...
then men who were more mature and 'allowed' them more freedom to dress and party the way these women wanted to after marriage...
to my utmost frustration on rare ocasions when i accompanied my room mate to a shopping spree or a walk at the beach, one point agendasince she was born i think , to marry and marry well...she complained non stop...what is the point of wearing this if she doesbn't ahev a man...what is point of watching veer zara if there isn't a man by her side...what is the point of a beautiful sunset if she doesn't have a hand to hold blah blah
you might wonder why this comment is a reaction to this post and not the previous one...
but isn't this deopendence...of a girlfriend on a boyfriend and of a wife on her husband to put everything right...
some feminists belive that the fairytales that we grow up on are actually very dangerous where fairy god mothers and prince charmings put everything right...
isn't this one very strong reasnn why one would want to end her life when everything went awry and not how grimm brothers or karan johar predicted...

Neha said...

Women should simply stop being so trusting. They fall for any story given to them and end up feeling miserable..What is the need to make the man feel he is God? Are they? How many cases does one see of men who have committed suicide because the girl has left him? He will just go and find another.It is time we women learn to do that too.

silbil said...

I agree with CK if we really listened to and not merely heard stories and conversations we will realise that our extraordinaries lies in the fact that though we are ordinary like every one else we can overcome our problems...like everyone else again.and help one another. we tend to get so obsessed with our own selves and problesm that it keeps on growing larger and larger and engulfs us....

Kaveetaa Kaul said...

Quite a rhetoric there Ck.

True..every word. We are bound by a common thread, yet feel alone. The universality of emotions and desires are the common factor on the one hand,yet serve to polarise us.

How many of us can be truly happy in anothers success or gain? we may express grief, but does it actually bother us? To be able to empathise with another human is the greatest necessity of our times. And ofcourse to be a good listener is to my mind almost Godly. Most suicides have at their core a sense of loneliness.The individual has made himself an island amidst the sea of humanity.Therein lies the dichotomy.

"its always raining somewhere"..and we always want to be under that cloud..sigh..and since we cannot, the trick would lie in basking in the sunshine at our disposal in wait for the happiness laden cloudburst:)

Silbil,

What you said is not simplistic, it is for real..Being fed on Mills and boon and Denise robbins is the bane of female adult life. It equates perfect love with perfect circumstances and a perfect man leading into a perfect sunset. These extraneous influences have insiduously created an almost pigeon holing of 'Love , as a many splendoured thing" and as you said, only if a man figures somewhere in it.

But, having said that let us be realistic. Love is going to happen. And it should. maturity lies in creating boundaries as to the extent it is going to lead you by the nose, to the avoidance of every other sensibility. Women , by and large tend to have this great urge for a love story wihout a 'the end' and the pages to be replete with their pre-conceived vision of a man and his role in their life. When notion and reality mix-match, disillusionment sets in.

Neha,

You have a point. But let us substitute the word woman with human instead. I am sure there are men who have been betrayed as well. In the case of women, it becomes so much more urgent , first because of ecnomic dependence, secondly social stigma.

I feel in the cas of geetanjali too, the fact that this was her second marriage and was on the verge of a divorce all over again, frightened her, devastated her and finally led to her suicide. I am certain that in western countries, the dilemma would not have been as earth shattering as it was for her. Our societal norms and traditions in their almost suffocating strictures are to blame as well. 'Duniya kya kahegi" is a real fear..very real.

Ans silbil, ofcouse the perfect solution lies in the evolution of a society where we are there for one another, where indifference is a word relegated to the pages of a dictionary, and the genetic bonding that we have is manifested in terms of human bonding.

Amen to that..In fact that is the prime reason I always call attention to such tragedies which take place becoz of apathy on our part. It is like a wake up call.

North said...

Dear Kaveeta, it is terribly sad, both events! One, a sibling murder, the other a suicide.

Such an extreme, permanent solution; to temporary problems.

May God, commit both their spirit's to a safer harbour..

North

Kaveetaa Kaul said...

Yes North,..I feel pity and concern for the perpetrators as well. They must be living in the pall of such great misery as well.. You cannot hurt another, physically or mentally before you have not done the same to yourself..So their agony is no less and the results/consequences far reaching.