Thursday, March 16, 2006

Are Women To Blame For Rape?

Happened to read a most disturbing piece reported in BBC.


Women 'get blame for being raped'
Distressed woman
Fewer than 6% of reported rapes result in a conviction
A third of people believe a woman is partially or completely responsible for being raped if she has behaved flirtatiously, a survey suggests.)
The Amnesty International poll of 1,000 people also found over 25% believe she is at least partly to blame if she has worn revealing clothing or been drunk.

Amnesty says the "shocking" findings show government policies are failing.
)
And the director of public prosecutions told the BBC the report "highlights some areas of real concern".

Ken Macdonald QC, who is in charge of prosecutions in England and Wales, spoke to BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour.

"The idea that a third of our people think that if a woman flirts she has only herself to blame if she is raped is, I think, quite shocking," he said.

"These are jury trials. The jury is the community in the courtroom and it is reasonable to suppose the jury brings into the courtroom a lot of the attitudes we have been reading about."



Nothing under the sun can be traced back to male unreasonability, when it comes to the battle between the sexes.

*A woman who decides to get a divorce,also gets a 'whats she up to, there definitely is another guy', while the man gets 'Poor thing, he deserved better'.

*A twice divorced man is 'plain unlucky ' while a woman is 'such a tramp, no guy wants to live with her'

*When a man decides to be single he is 'dedicated ' to his career and probably would get a promotion based on this, while a woman is 'ambitious 'as in a four letter word,or 'cares for no one but herself'.

*A working mother is accused of 'neglect', while the father can get away with 'pressures at work' as reason to ignore kids.

* A mans success and growth in his career is attributed to 'sheer dint of merit and hard work', whilst a womans is simply 'having slept around'.

*A man raising his voice on issues, even on the web is 'passionate and forthright' while a woman is 'aggressive, argumentative and confrontational'

*A man hitting on a female is 'just having fun'.. 'harmless flirtation'. For a woman ofcourse she is 'inviting to be raped'.

*While men can get away with wearing 'nothing' or close to it, and being considered 'macho', a woman is 'cheap' an 'exhibitionist or 'asking for rape' if she so much as wears a tight tee and jeans.

Mind you this is not hyperbole.Only recently, a young Muslim girl from the Aligarh University was being rigged by the college authorities' for setting a bad example' since she had dared to attend classes in jeans and without the 'dupatta'.

Justifications, excuses, explanations are aplenty and growing, as are the number of rape cases.One of the commonest explanations to rape in the west is as the BBC quoted above, and in India,it is the dress code,substantiated vociferously by the statistics of fewer rapes a couple of decades ago, when women , men aver, were conservatively attired.

The generation of our mothers and grandmothers appear not to have seen as many crimes against women. But how does one know for sure? It merely appears so since the shame associated was so tremendous that next to none got reported.Yet, if one were to pre-suppose the same,then the reasons are entirely different from what the guys choose to believe.

Consider this. Women did not venture out of their homes alone or in situations of seclusion. Women in careers were rare. Therefore opportunity for crimes of the kind was limited.Interaction of the sexes was within the precincts of homes, where other males were present. Social life was limited to marriages, restaurant hoppings, movies,basically family outings.

In other words, men couldnt quite corner women as easily. Opportunity being rare, crime was rarer. For rape, conditions have to be fortuitous, no matter how oxymoron-ish this appears.

Let us hypothecate solely for the purpose of a balanced asessment. Even if we do concede that dress code or flirtatiousness increased chances of rape, however absurd and ridiculous it sounds, then we have to admit simultaneously that male behaviour is open to animalistic traits which are triggered at the slightest provocation. So then here again, why blame the woman? It is the men who need to humanise themselves by curbing their wolfish mentality inherited from Neanderthal days, on the one hand, and simultaneously inculcating traits worthy of being 'male' in the right sense of the term.

A 'no' has to be taken as exactly that. No. After which it is rape, legally and technically.

Incidentally, this is the definition of rape in law "The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse." ..In this light,therefore,clearly, whether it is a sex worker who expresses unwillingness or a wife, sexual intercourse without mutual consent is RAPE'!

It was appalling to hear people, men and women alike, on the recent rape of a 52 year old widow, by the scion of Kasliwal family, make comments such as 'but what was she doing out so late' or ' Is she is a sex worker? so how can it be rape?'.This after medical reports had proven a fractured arm and bruises all over her body.. Therefore not only does a woman get raped,but if she shows the gall to report it, then she is raped everyday, by either the media, the legal eagles or the common man. How can we blame a woman then that she'd rather choose to die a thousand deaths within her, simmer in low fire under the burnt ashes of outrage, pain, humiliation, helplessness,for the rest of her life.. than report the crime.

Given the above scenario, if she dares to fight for justice, is it fair we disregard then the courage , grit and steadfastness exhibited, and instead whip her with shameful innuendoes? All over the world, sexual violence is on the increase, and guilty rarely brought to book. If law needs witnesses, this is one crime that rarely has corroboration. Yet, women are believed to 'invite' rape??

Is it worth considering that perhaps men are 'angry' at women for having taken over their bastion as providers? Far fetched? Women in their newly found economic independence are self sufficient and content in their single lives. Does this aggravate the feeling of 'redundancy' in a male, now that he has been substituted with other progressive interests? So does this lead to Rape? Violence in its most depraved manifestation!!

The question is not limited in scope merely to how a man perceives a woman. But more importantly in what manner he chooses to view himself, vis-a vis his own self-esteem, at the risk of sounding neoplasmic.

A more recent addition to the hydra headed is 'date rape'.One cannot ignore the almost rampant incidents of 'date rape'. So here is a man, well ensconced in his gentleman attire, who cooes and wooes, wines and dines, all the while cloaking his predatorial intentions beneath social graces, in wait for the perfect moment, to strike at the clueless female.A perfect reflection of the serpignous psyche of the modern male.

What precedes the thought? Read on. This is a comment received recently on my blog..

"Well not always but many times gals ask for it,not directly but indirectly.gals take a lot of time before sleeping with a man.If ultimate aim is physcal pleasure then why do they waste so much time.Don't tell that gals are all innocent,especially in metros and elsewhere,at least they give some sort of sign of their mean character then only rape happens.

There are good girls also and there are reasons other than this for rape. In that case guilty must be punished.If a girl behaves properly there is very less chance that she will be raped.Accidental rape may happen but in most of the cases rapist knew the victims personally."

Cultured? sure..of the bacterial variety. In need of urgent pathological treatment for deconditioning from genetically engineered code of his club-in-hand-caveman days.

One is not attempting to suggest that all males need be viewed as 'potential rapists'. For every one of the above category , there may be half a dozen who are as incensed , if not more by atrocities on women and would probably contribute to the nth degree to rectify the situation.

Surely the reasonable males will realise that categorising is essential at times. However blanket statements and generalisations are dangerous, and therefore intentionally avoided. Nevertheless going by the alarming rise in these untoward incidences, one cannot close ones eyes to the growing trends of male perversion.

Steps for prevention or control, is meat for another post. Nevertheless, what one has attempted is to indict the question.

It would be so refreshing to witness our 'stronger sex' live up to that terminology in its ethical connotation and exhibit that strength in areas like say 'protecting ' a woman from an assault, for a change, setting an example for their ilk.




Selected by Candides Notebooks- Best Blogs Of The Day.

17 comments:

North said...

Dear Kaveeta,

It is shocking the rituals that women/girls endure; when sexually assaulted.

Everything posted against them; is how society really does "judge."

It would be a shame; to have to see this further continue, in modern, and non-advanced societies of the world.

I could never understand either; why so many treat women with such low esteem.

Without women; man would not even exist!!

North

Swapna said...

I totally agree with you. The way rape is viewed in society is shocking, to say the least.

What I find even stranger is that a lot of women think the same. If they are raped, they tend to think it's their fault. It's so ingrained in our society to blame women for everything that they tend to do it themselves before others do.

Kaveetaa Kaul said...

It is true North, Women are the reason that men Exist!

Yet>>>

The age old adage 'what you cannot cure you must endure' has to be denounced forever atleast in this context. asking for pity, sympathy and concern is passe.. Now we have to just fight bach hard.

Kaveetaa Kaul said...

YEs Swapna, you have hit the nail on the head.

It is how we view ourselves which is a matter of greater study.

You must have heard of cases where women have gone into deep depression . But worse still is the recent reports of having 'married' the rapists.. Itwas so bizarre. What she has in effect agreed to is bieng raped every night instead, this time with social sanction.

This is what I mean. Our self esteem is our key to success in any field. If we are lacking here, how can we blame the world?

Anonymous said...

Blaming women for 'behaving provoctively' is a sign of the hypocracy of modern culture.

In islamic countries where women wear burqas, they still get raped. Rape shouldn't happen at all (or very little) if women are partly to blame.

Even if a rape victim behaved 'provocatively' (which they don't), the fact is that sex was not consented to. Rapists should be tortured until they go out of their minds.

Kaveetaa Kaul said...

How true Tarun,

The excuse cannot hold any water i islamic countries. Something which is ingrained in criminal psyche cannot be limited by outer manifestations.

Deterrents will prove beneficial. In a world where less than 6% are finally framed, there have to be measures that match up to the violence perpetrated. What you are saying is sooo understandable. These guys should be handed over to the public at large and left to their mercy. A couple of suchlike methods in every country, where justice is quick, speedy and fair, will see unmistakably positive results. This is basically an act of cowardice and cowards hate to see themselves in the light of the day, under full public gaze.

Apart from this, women need to work out solutions for themselves..We have to understand that beyond a point, we are alone, not just figuratively. Keeping aside shame or other such emotional constraints, we have to agree to believe in retribution.

Swapna so rightly pointed out that we allow the shame to get to us and start believing that we are to blame!! What follows then is more horrendous.

About the girl who agreed to marry her rapist!! Without even attempting to condemn it since words fail, we can only try and understand it or what might have been her compulsions..Society, family pressure, fear of a lonely life ahead, since the matter was exposed, gullibility to his apologetic verbal manipulations,vulnerability, this is a strange one where solace is sought from the abuser himself, immaturity in believing the guy is going to 'change', poverty as in financial and future prospects.

What is appalling is the message and signals this meek, sheepish stance sends out to other criminals. Who can blame them if they feel invincible , infallible, and encouraged beyond measure!!

Anonymous said...

How to Improve Gender Sensitivity in India…here are some suggestions…..

1) Women must not be imprisoned even if they kill. They need to be put in reformation homes.

2) As soon as a woman marries, she must get 50% rights onto husband’s property.

3) Large scale single parenting by woman must be encouraged with maintenance provided by husband. Research shows that children who are not allowed to see their fathers after divorce for years grow up very healthy. In India, Gender Sensitive judges must allow the women to decide whether she allows the father to see the child after divorce or not.

4) Any violence committed by woman against others(including murder) must be considered as done in self-defense.

5) The disparity between life expectency rate difference between men and women need to be brought to the levels of that of developed countries. In India, women live 2.4 years more than men on an average. This difference in life expectency has to be brought to the levels in
US and Europe where women live 7 years more than men on an average.

6) If a man cancels the enagagement, he needs to be punished with imprison up to 5 months. If a woman cancels engagement, she must be compensated with 30% of man’s annual income.

7) Any woman who commits suicide within 7 years of marriage, a dowry harassment or other harassment case against the husband to be put by default. He must be imprisoned for 1 year for not taking care of his wife.

8) If a woman complains of domestic violence, the man must be imprisoned immediately and bail can only be granted by a court. All the joint bank accounts must be frozen. Woman has to right to stay in the matrimonial home(husband’s house), till she gets divorce. If the women has an adulterous relation, till it is proved (beyond doubt), the husband must allow her to live in his house or must provide alternate accommodation. The typical example for benchmark is the case in movie “Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam”. Husband is also expected to help the women achieve her adulterous goals. If he can not directly help, then he must provide one third of his salary towards the wife till she marries her boy friend.


9) A man must do half of household work even if his wife is not earning.

10) After marriage, a man must not stay with his parents or allow his parents to stay prolonged period with him. He must allow his in-laws to stay in his house for the same amount of time his parents stay in his house. If he violates these rights of the woman, he can be
imprisoned for not taking equal care of his in-laws.

11) If in-laws of a man “feel” their daughter and they are not properly treated, the man should be thoroughly counselled. If he does not mend his ways, stringent laws be made (even provision for lashing) for rectifying him.

12) The ratio of male:female suicide rates in India to be brought to the levels in west. In India, 50%(about 25000) more men commit suicide than women. This is much lower than the western standards where about 150% more men commit suicide than women.

13) The richer and the more educated the men are, the more should be pressure on them. They should provide the wife with a lifestyle equivalent to their status and they must also spend quality time with family.

14) Women in rural india and poor women suffer due to ignorance and they can not afford legal help. So, the legal provisions must be used only in urban india. The rural women must be discouraged from approaching police or courts as they can not afford to pay bribes. The rural women (women in villages) must be empowered with better employment and they must be counselled to live healthy life in traditional family system and respect the decisions of family elders. This way, it can be shown that laws on women’s rights are UNDERUSED. That will help the urban women to MISUSE the law and file false complaints. That will give good business to Feminist lawyers and Human Rights lawyers and provide good bribes to the police. Of course, the booty is ultimately settled between police and Women organisations. The extortion for a Techie goes upto 1 lac and for NRI it goes upto 4 lacs. If the techie does not pay up, the NGO must send the police to harass his landlord, friends and boss in workplace.

15) The rural women do not suffer from domestic violence. Hence domestic violence laws must be used more stringently in urban india only.

16) Men had much better life than women since ages. Men fought wars and always had good food in plundered lands when their women remained in hunger.

17) 25% of software engineers are women, so does 50% of medical students. The men whom these women marry must get bigger salaries than these women and must have higher social status than these talented women. Women must always marry up.

18) Men who do not like their wives wearing revealing clothes(including low-jeans) are old fashioned. In stead of divorcing them, their wives must use threat of section 498a (anti-dowry laws) to get the old parents of the man imprisioned, so that men can be counselled to change and learn tolerance.

19) Designers who plan to design revealing clothes for men must be banned for spreading vulgarity. Wearing revealing clothes is a right solely meant for women.

20) All judges who do not follow gender sensitivity and give judgements against women, must lose their right to pension.


21) Crime Against Women (CAW) cells must counsel the men such that men realise that if they do not bend, then their parents,sisters even grandparents can be imprisoned and tortured. CAW cells must also counsel the men not to commit suicide by telling them in detail

various methods of committing suicide. Men committing suicide must always be listed as suicide due to financial reason even if he commits suicide arranging dowry for his daughter.

22) As prevalent in Govt. services, any man accused of harassment against his wife, must be fired from job. Special camps must be set up by govt. in each state for these men to reform. Only hard work can make them learn patience and considerate behaviour. “Work Brings Freedom”, “Arbeit Macht Frei”. Their property must be confiscated by the state and donated to the NGOs working hand-in-hand with sincere police and benovelant lawyers for betterment of women.

23) Many human rights organisations have created examples of gender sensitivity by championing against giving bail to innocent old and sick in-laws of women who complain of mistreatment. In fact, to iradicate dowry evil in India, these old and sick people must be
imprisoned without investigation so that their sons can learn lessons for not caring the sincere and wise advice of their wives and in-laws.

Even “Amnesty International” has opposed bail to sick and infirm in-laws of a woman as suggested by a gender insensitive former high court judge. 25000 women dying of dowry is a much bigger problem than only 10000 parents of men falsely getting jailed. Only a handful of old in-laws of the woman have committed suicide due to false dowry cases than the number of women dying in dowry problem. Of course, who know better about “prisoners of conscience” than Amnesty International.

24) Human rights orgnisations have gone a long way fighting against POTA and TADA. Because even terrorists have the right to international law. Dowry evil is much bigger than terrorism. The number of women getting killed by dowry is much more than the number of people killed by terrorists. So, Human Rights Organisations must campaign for continuation of present laws where the old parents of NRIs and Techies are jailed with just one line of complaint from their daughter-in-law. Even if the complaint is false, arrest of old parents of the man sends a clear message to the society which oppressed women since ages.

25) Recenly, many human rights activists protested against the judge who gave a order criticising imprisonment of 3-year old girl child who spent 3 days in Tihar jail with her whole family (facing dowry harassment charges). This kind of organisations need generous donations by the people who want to change the world.

26) The fight for women’s rights will never end. So, lets campaign for the people in this world to donate for this great cause. After all, woman’s development is human’s development.

27) Many NGOs in India and abroad have collected millions of dollars for causes of women. Because woman’s development is human’s development and women’s rights are human rights. Because of their dedicated actions in bringing in funds has helped in arresting so many
sick and old people in false dowry harassment cases in urban india. Many of these old in-laws of women have committed suicide out of shame when their daughter-in-law got a bargaining position by filing false dowry cases against them. Because of these generous funds donated by many benovalent people in US, these people can commit suicide. Otherwise, these old people are just a social nuisance. What can be a greater social service than to iradicate social nuisance and create social justice.

28) Recenly, an old couple were arrested in Kerala and transported like animals to Delhi on train to face charges of dowry harassment. Even though they never stayed with their daughter-in-law, but it gives a clear signal to the society that its time the dowry be iradicated.

Please donate to all the NGOs and human rights organisaions generously. Research shows that when more and more women live as single parents, that children become healthy. Children of single mothers in US have become great scientists, researchers and social reformers. The same needs to be emulated in India so that India can develop.

29) Many NRIs have donated generously for the foreign visits of women’s rights activists. These activists are responsible for bringing patriarchy in India to its knees by championing in favour of detention of all people including old and minors against whom a woman complains of dowry harassment. Of course, it does not matter even if the in-laws never even stayed with the woman and the case she filed is false. What is important is the social deterrent it creates. India Today reports 55% of divorce cases filed last year has women as primary petitioners.

This must increase to 75% in next few years. The more the divorces and single parenting in india, the earlier we will achieve gender equality.

Indians living in US, who run NGOs and donate to NGOs are as truthful as their own President and propaganda based media. Their perceptions are also as accurate as perceptions of an average American. They also want to change and improve the world just the way US is improving the world. God will certainly give them and their children long happy life. After all, changing the world by funding extremist feminists which leads to arrests “without investigation” of old and infirm is indeed a noble act. Finally, Karma will give us what we give to others. As sick and old who can not walk properly make rounds in court, God will bless us all for standing for fighting against patriarchy and conducting garrulous arguments with rigid mindsets brainwashed by media in stead of seeing the subtleties in
social issues. Since ages, we know reductionism (cutting, solving and pasting) solved all great problems !!

Those innocent people who got jailed, whose innocent parents died due to legal terrorism, whose innocent sister can not be married because of multiple criminal lawsuits against her, have got nothing more to lose. Today, they take time out of their “multiple court cases” to help and advise those are abused but not yet 498aed. But, they will do everything to bring to book all those people who have lied or are lying all along.


Save Indian Family

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/saveindianfamily/

http://www.pariwariksuraksha.org/

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this post. We linked to it in today's Best in Blogs segment at Candide's Notebooks (www.pierretristam.com)

Unknown said...

In continuation to your posts about eve teasing and rape blame.. a few thoughts sparked off by occurrences in the past twenty four hours: a masseur of the Indian contingent misbehaves with a 16 year old volunteer.. , and many die following riots because boys of one community tease a girl from another..
what little it takes to incite irrational behaviour and how easy it is to create mob frenzy..

now who is to blame: the girl who for being a girl; boys for being boys; the alcohol and bhang which is a must at holi; miscreants for fuelling passions..
who is responsible for the deaths..

it is strange that those who do not give a damn about women on a daily basis, are willing to kill to preserve honour of what goes by the name it.
women are OK to a point but the moment they transgress some irrational and arbitrary line they become the object of abuse.
an inch or so in a blouse or a skirt can make all the difference.. and whereas your women have to be hidden from preying eyes you are all ready to enjoy the other woman's flirtatious ways.

i see the beginnings of this pattern in kids barely 10 or 12.. i am shocked beyond words at the behaviour of some young boys towards their mothers let alone sisters.. we have such cases with some of the women working with us with sons even slapping their moms

it infuriates me and once again i think that we as women need to assume responsibility of such behaviour.. a lot of it is dues to the irrational attitude of mothers towards their sons.. when all is permitted and allowed and the tiny little slap of baby age 3 goes into the violent one of now grown baby age 14.
the patterns are set by our own behaviour.. and the remedial measure shave to come from a change in our own behaviour.

today boys still get better food, better medical treatment, more freedom etc. than their sisters..
something is terribly wrong and needs to be addressed..

Kaveetaa Kaul said...

Somehow it seems a vicious circle to me.

The present lot of younger women are by far the most comfortable economically than have been for generations.Has that altered things ? cant say.

Men have to change drastically their perception of women to begin with. That truly has to come from their mothers and fathers too. A lot would depend on how he sees his mother being treated in the house.

I have known case also where a boy hates his wife or ill-treats her because he does not want to allow here a better fate than his mother. His way of proving loyalty and sympathy for what his mother has been through.

It is so complicated.

Anonymous said...

It gives me solace to know that someone can make such an impact for those of us who have suffered. Thank you,
I owe you my sanity.

Anonymous said...

It's nice to see that someone is actually speaking for those of us who have suffered at the hands of rape blame and male savagery.
Thank you,
For I owe you my sanity.

Anonymous said...

It's nice to see that someone is actually speaking for those of us who have suffered at the hands of rape blame and male savagery.
Thank you,
For I owe you my sanity.

Kaveetaa Kaul said...

Anonymous, Sam,

Your words have touched me deeply. Just three lines but spoke volumes. If ever, I can be of help, in any manner you deem fit, please do not hesitate to get in touch. God Bless..keep the faith:)

Anonymous said...

Its a man's world ,u can't fight with this fact.It has been so for ages.it is like might is right.the indian law & order situation is too bad to protect women.Women can only be protected from men by men themselves.Before marriage it is the duty of a father to protect a girl/woman,after marriage it is the duty of the husband,when husband becomes old ,it is the duty of the son.

Anonymous said...

Another reason why female victims of rape are blamed is because people want to perpetuate the idea of a just world. Being mugged is one thing. Things can be replaced. However, being raped would mean the woman has to live with that trauma for the rest of her life.

The will to continue thinking of a just world will cause people to assume it's the woman's fault automatically.

scarred said...

i was gang raped at 13 by people i new and thought were my friends.

i use to blame my self for wat happend i tortured my mind going over every little detail i could off done diffrently it ruined my life quite literaly i was in and out off mental hospitals with depression.

its bein 3 years now im 16 and with the help off my councellior im starting to recover and realise NO it was not my fault i did not make them do does things to me.

but today i read a report pretty much like this one,about how 50% off people believe that rape victims like my self have it coming to them.
this has realy sadend me and made me second guesss my self again.

if it wass their daughters/wifes/mothers i wonder would day think the same thing would they blame their own family? no off course not these narrow minded people want to believe that the women was at fault because if not their addmitting to them selfs that it could happen to any body even them and thats what scares them.

the truth is i still battle with what happend every single day i feel like im doing a life sentence for what they done to me but sure i guess i had it comeing to me right???