The title may seem a bit over the top.But I do not recall a single other instance when a mother-in-law has admonished dangerous criminals for teasing her daughter-in -law, demanded an apology and then paid for it with her life.
On this courageous and astonishingly brave Meher Bhargava I had writtenas early as March 7th hoping and praying that she will recover.
But she is no more.
Meher in the hospital kept mentioning the name "Amit", while the police is looking for someone called 'Pahari'.
In the hospital, on her deathbed, she told her husband Luv Bhargava that if she had to, she would do it again.
For all those mother-in-laws who have so far connived to either harass their bahus for dowry or even gone to the extent of causing them physical harm, Meher Bhargava should be instrumental in making them bow down their heads in shame.
Enough cannot be said of her last fight, because the fact that the goons and their identity was known to her as much as their criminal activities, it did not deter her from doing what she considered to be right and just.
She had the courage and valour, was a symbol of "Shakti" in human form. How cannot she be looked on as "Durga Ma" !!
Political machinations seem to be at work again. Despite a month having elapsed, the killer is at large.
Cry for justice has been sparked nevertheless.
Accused being protected and shielded by powerful political forces , so say some concerned parties.
The police still confused about main accused.
Is it yet another horrifying catastrophic repeat of Jessica lall Murder case?
If one is to believe the assurances given to Luv bhargava by the police officials and the Chief ministers office, the criminals will be handcuffed within the week.
More importantly, let us not lose sight of the cause of Mehers death. Eve teasing and harassment by neanderthal males has to be struck a death blow. If stringent punishment and public participation matches a show of strength by the victim, then it will not be long before a male would hesitate before the thought crosses his mind to even verbalise his sinister intentions, forget about actually laying a hand on a woman.
Heres praying for Meher's journey forward, in peaceful realms.
Thanking her for epitomising the infallible, invincible, indomitable,incorruptible spirit of Womanhood as has been displayed by her.
Pledging to her that her killers will be given their due.
Promising to carry on her Fight.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Friday, March 24, 2006
Mumbai-isms
Examples of typical Mumbai-isms
* Yeh mehengai bahut costly ho gaya hai aaj kal
*Aaj aapun ka bad luck hi kharaab hai
*Arrey uska room kya mast hai.. paanch bada bada kamra hai
(room is a synonym for an apartment, while kamra ofcourse is room)
*yeh aaj kal tension ka bahut magajmari hai
One encounters these and such like on a daily basis, but dare not smirk..
ekdum serious se sunne ka
* Yeh mehengai bahut costly ho gaya hai aaj kal
*Aaj aapun ka bad luck hi kharaab hai
*Arrey uska room kya mast hai.. paanch bada bada kamra hai
(room is a synonym for an apartment, while kamra ofcourse is room)
*yeh aaj kal tension ka bahut magajmari hai
One encounters these and such like on a daily basis, but dare not smirk..
ekdum serious se sunne ka
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
'Wrong' de Basanti
The latest issue March 2006 of 'Society' a magazine from the Magna stable of publications,which includes among others Stardust,Savvy, Health and Nutrition, featured a story 'Brave Heart' on Kavita Gadgil.
Who is Kavita Gadgil? Unfair Question.
Considering it was her real life story that inspired Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra to make his film "Rang De Basanti". While Mehra is currrently raking in the millions and being showered with accolades ,Kavita Gadgil awaits the promised call. Her martyred son Abhijit Gadgil,an IAf pilot whose death in a MiG aircraft on September 17th 2001, was the focal point of the film.
'Society' informs that not only has her name been conveniently erased from the credits, Mehra has never mentioned her contribution to the film. She had many offers from people to make a film on the issue. Mehra met her with the same intention. She shared her experience with him in complete trust and faith. Perhaps hoping that she could probably organise a charity show for her trust "Abhijit Safety Foundation Trust".
'Society'further says that Mehra had requested her not to speak to the media till the release of the film. After which there was no contact.Throughout she had been totally unaware of the making of the film. She was informed by friends that the film was based on her. So much so she was finally not even sent a couple of tickets for the preview.
Is it any wonder then that she has not seen the film? No wonder , but definitely a shame. The callous behaviour meted out to her is telling of those to whom making mega bucks or tasting success propogating hypocritical values of patriotism is of primary consideration, over and above honouring a simple promise made to a bereaved mother, whose life has been encapsulated, emotions have been exploited for personal benefit and she has been left to whimper. As if the cruel blow fate had already dealt her in the loss of her (only?) son was not tragic enough!
RDB has been successful in capturing the imagination of gullible audiences, vulnerable to the message of rebelling against a system which so far had only served to prove their impotence to circumstances they recoiled at with disgust.
Kavita Gadgil has been narrated the climax. The magazine quotes her as saying "the climax of the film is not right.Violence is not the answer to anything. You are misguiding the youth. There is a proper way to fight the system. Killing doesn't solve anything".
One fails to understand the apathy towards this mother from the film makers. Her needs were few and well deserved. Simple and unpretentious in fact. Naiivete was her undoing. Had she been savvier, not only would she have cut out a sizable piece of the pie, but might have managed to managed to whip up enough resources to lay the foundation for the trust which she is toiling to inaugurate on April 26th, Abhijits birthday.
Her husband , the magazine quotes consoles her with the following words 'theirs is a make believe world and this is common to them'. Ironic, that those who in real life play with the sentiments of others, claim to be professionals in the business of creating sensitive films! The scenes portraying Waheeeda rehman, who assayed the role of kavita Gadgil, had been milked of every emotion to gain the mileage required. Audience wept copiously, while the makers satisfied with their talent to metamorph a brilliant real life story with such authentic ingenuity into their script, revelled in glory and adulation, with the real Kavita gadgil left probably crying silently in her home.
Somebody ought to tap them on the shoulder and remind them that the 'use and discard' methodology they appear to have adopted, should have been restricted solely to tetra packs!! Humans deserve better.
Not one to give up, Kavita is busy raising funds for the memorial for soldiers who have been forgotten. Her way of showing them respect, she says. For her personally though,life extends from one sunday of the year to the next when she diligently goes down to Rajasthan the crash site, with water, flowers and a candle to light, in memory of her son Abhijit Gadgil.
A bitter taste, yellow stance.. not so Basanti after all!!
Cross posted at Desicritics Sepia mutiny DesiPundit
Who is Kavita Gadgil? Unfair Question.
Considering it was her real life story that inspired Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra to make his film "Rang De Basanti". While Mehra is currrently raking in the millions and being showered with accolades ,Kavita Gadgil awaits the promised call. Her martyred son Abhijit Gadgil,an IAf pilot whose death in a MiG aircraft on September 17th 2001, was the focal point of the film.
'Society' informs that not only has her name been conveniently erased from the credits, Mehra has never mentioned her contribution to the film. She had many offers from people to make a film on the issue. Mehra met her with the same intention. She shared her experience with him in complete trust and faith. Perhaps hoping that she could probably organise a charity show for her trust "Abhijit Safety Foundation Trust".
'Society'further says that Mehra had requested her not to speak to the media till the release of the film. After which there was no contact.Throughout she had been totally unaware of the making of the film. She was informed by friends that the film was based on her. So much so she was finally not even sent a couple of tickets for the preview.
Is it any wonder then that she has not seen the film? No wonder , but definitely a shame. The callous behaviour meted out to her is telling of those to whom making mega bucks or tasting success propogating hypocritical values of patriotism is of primary consideration, over and above honouring a simple promise made to a bereaved mother, whose life has been encapsulated, emotions have been exploited for personal benefit and she has been left to whimper. As if the cruel blow fate had already dealt her in the loss of her (only?) son was not tragic enough!
RDB has been successful in capturing the imagination of gullible audiences, vulnerable to the message of rebelling against a system which so far had only served to prove their impotence to circumstances they recoiled at with disgust.
Kavita Gadgil has been narrated the climax. The magazine quotes her as saying "the climax of the film is not right.Violence is not the answer to anything. You are misguiding the youth. There is a proper way to fight the system. Killing doesn't solve anything".
One fails to understand the apathy towards this mother from the film makers. Her needs were few and well deserved. Simple and unpretentious in fact. Naiivete was her undoing. Had she been savvier, not only would she have cut out a sizable piece of the pie, but might have managed to managed to whip up enough resources to lay the foundation for the trust which she is toiling to inaugurate on April 26th, Abhijits birthday.
Her husband , the magazine quotes consoles her with the following words 'theirs is a make believe world and this is common to them'. Ironic, that those who in real life play with the sentiments of others, claim to be professionals in the business of creating sensitive films! The scenes portraying Waheeeda rehman, who assayed the role of kavita Gadgil, had been milked of every emotion to gain the mileage required. Audience wept copiously, while the makers satisfied with their talent to metamorph a brilliant real life story with such authentic ingenuity into their script, revelled in glory and adulation, with the real Kavita gadgil left probably crying silently in her home.
Somebody ought to tap them on the shoulder and remind them that the 'use and discard' methodology they appear to have adopted, should have been restricted solely to tetra packs!! Humans deserve better.
Not one to give up, Kavita is busy raising funds for the memorial for soldiers who have been forgotten. Her way of showing them respect, she says. For her personally though,life extends from one sunday of the year to the next when she diligently goes down to Rajasthan the crash site, with water, flowers and a candle to light, in memory of her son Abhijit Gadgil.
A bitter taste, yellow stance.. not so Basanti after all!!
Cross posted at Desicritics Sepia mutiny DesiPundit
Monday, March 20, 2006
Throw Momma into Jail
Its all about loving your parents' money!!
Married couples are using the anti-dowry laws to implicate their parents/in-laws to part with their wealth or to live separately.
Please refer to this link.
Disingenuous..Life never stops sucking the wind out of one's sails . The prevalence of old age homes was a bad enough reflection of where we were heading as a race. However,one gave the benefit of the doubt, albeit conditionally, to the fact that perhaps monetary constraints compelled working couples to take this drastic step in the hope that their elders would be well looked after in these homes.
But suing aged parents for material comforts is one of the most deplorable piece of news in recent times. How conveniently such children overlook the years of upbringing , the toil, sacrifice, labour, love, caring, concern that has been unconditionally afforded to making them what they are today.
What you cannot recall,you do not reward. Simple. Not quite. As always, nemesis will strike with unfailing precision. Their children are watching keenly,very keenly. And children just love to be copy cats don't they?
Signs, not always as jejune as we imagine.
Had these old parents known that this was what fate had in store, perhaps they would have been wary. Perhaps they would have instilled values which highlighted compassion, goodness, respect and kindness in those impressionable childhood years. Perhaps exposed them to the advantages of a content human being, rich in self esteem, centered in humaneness and balanced in attitude towards worldly goals.
Somewhere they have faltered in their steps . Somewhere as parents they have exemplified a materialistic tendency that the children have imbibed in great proportion. Somewhere as a society we seem to be decaying into a hapless civilization where comforts, luxuries, wealth have not only taken precedence over any other worthwhile goals, but have blinded us as to the means we can adopt to fructify these desires. Shortcuts are the rule of the day. We are the 'click-age' generation aren't we?
It leads one to think that lack of trust in each other, whether between parents and children husband and wife, siblings, partners, and lack of faith in ones destiny plays a great part in triggering such deeds,. Coupled of course with the greed for 'more'. Avarice has always spelt doom and will continue to.
Antiquated laws and lacunae in the system seem to be in the dock once again. The blame lies unmistakably in the glaring truth that justice in India is still floundering amidst misuse, delay and manipulation.
Instead of condemnng the ills our society is plagued with, these occurrences have to act as catalysts to analyse and re-define where we are leading our children. Accept responsibility for our actions as parents and citizens and assume the role of teacher, guide, friend and role model to our children. Society as a whole needs to be RESCUED urgently. It has been brought to the brink by us, we therefore must stand up to the challenge of bringing it back on track.
Let us each one, simply decide to not participate in and rebel against a wrong , happening directly in front of us. Each at a time. That is all that is needed.
In the meanwhile,expunge Danny de vito (throw momma from the train) and feed on an overdose of our desi Karan Johar flics.
*************************************************************************************
Posted on Desicritics where there has been a deluge of comments from unexpected quarters. The underlying purpose of the article was to highlight the downward spiral of ethics, abuse of the elderly, if at all and only as has been reported in the Press.
Incendiary comments by an individual or organisation have been disallowed on Sachiniti
Married couples are using the anti-dowry laws to implicate their parents/in-laws to part with their wealth or to live separately.
Please refer to this link.
.
In a shocking trend, some middle class married women, in league with their husbands, are foisting false dowry charges on their in-laws to pressure them to part with their wealth, a Delhi Police official says.
According to K.C. Dwivedi, deputy commissioner of police of the Crime Against Women Cell, some married couples hatch a plan to harass and threaten the husband's parents in order to get a share of the wealth and also to force the elderly parents to live separately.
"It seems they do not want to stay with their parents but are only concerned about their share in the wealth," Dwivedi said.
He added that in the past two months, the police had registered around five such cases where married couples framed false charges against their parents
Disingenuous..Life never stops sucking the wind out of one's sails . The prevalence of old age homes was a bad enough reflection of where we were heading as a race. However,one gave the benefit of the doubt, albeit conditionally, to the fact that perhaps monetary constraints compelled working couples to take this drastic step in the hope that their elders would be well looked after in these homes.
But suing aged parents for material comforts is one of the most deplorable piece of news in recent times. How conveniently such children overlook the years of upbringing , the toil, sacrifice, labour, love, caring, concern that has been unconditionally afforded to making them what they are today.
What you cannot recall,you do not reward. Simple. Not quite. As always, nemesis will strike with unfailing precision. Their children are watching keenly,very keenly. And children just love to be copy cats don't they?
Signs, not always as jejune as we imagine.
Had these old parents known that this was what fate had in store, perhaps they would have been wary. Perhaps they would have instilled values which highlighted compassion, goodness, respect and kindness in those impressionable childhood years. Perhaps exposed them to the advantages of a content human being, rich in self esteem, centered in humaneness and balanced in attitude towards worldly goals.
Somewhere they have faltered in their steps . Somewhere as parents they have exemplified a materialistic tendency that the children have imbibed in great proportion. Somewhere as a society we seem to be decaying into a hapless civilization where comforts, luxuries, wealth have not only taken precedence over any other worthwhile goals, but have blinded us as to the means we can adopt to fructify these desires. Shortcuts are the rule of the day. We are the 'click-age' generation aren't we?
It leads one to think that lack of trust in each other, whether between parents and children husband and wife, siblings, partners, and lack of faith in ones destiny plays a great part in triggering such deeds,. Coupled of course with the greed for 'more'. Avarice has always spelt doom and will continue to.
Antiquated laws and lacunae in the system seem to be in the dock once again. The blame lies unmistakably in the glaring truth that justice in India is still floundering amidst misuse, delay and manipulation.
Instead of condemnng the ills our society is plagued with, these occurrences have to act as catalysts to analyse and re-define where we are leading our children. Accept responsibility for our actions as parents and citizens and assume the role of teacher, guide, friend and role model to our children. Society as a whole needs to be RESCUED urgently. It has been brought to the brink by us, we therefore must stand up to the challenge of bringing it back on track.
Let us each one, simply decide to not participate in and rebel against a wrong , happening directly in front of us. Each at a time. That is all that is needed.
In the meanwhile,expunge Danny de vito (throw momma from the train) and feed on an overdose of our desi Karan Johar flics.
*************************************************************************************
Posted on Desicritics where there has been a deluge of comments from unexpected quarters. The underlying purpose of the article was to highlight the downward spiral of ethics, abuse of the elderly, if at all and only as has been reported in the Press.
Incendiary comments by an individual or organisation have been disallowed on Sachiniti
Sunday, March 19, 2006
India needs more such 'Mahants'
Mahant- literally means Maha anant or supreme bliss ,mahaan atma or great soul who enjoys supreme bliss..
After what seems like aeons, have heard of somebody who has done something more than pay cursory lip service to deserve this title.
He has single handedly, merely by the force of his presence and weight of his words averted what could have been a major crisis in Varanasi.
Not just that.
His stand and averments made renowned lyricist poet Javed Akhtar (husband of actress Shabana Azmi) exclaim "I want to touch his feet!"
After reading the report, one is compelled to boldly assert
"MAHANT JI WE ARE PROUD OF YOU".
Know more about Mahant Virbhadra Mishra
After what seems like aeons, have heard of somebody who has done something more than pay cursory lip service to deserve this title.
He has single handedly, merely by the force of his presence and weight of his words averted what could have been a major crisis in Varanasi.
Not just that.
His stand and averments made renowned lyricist poet Javed Akhtar (husband of actress Shabana Azmi) exclaim "I want to touch his feet!"
After reading the report, one is compelled to boldly assert
"MAHANT JI WE ARE PROUD OF YOU".
Know more about Mahant Virbhadra Mishra
Are you facing a Quarter life crisis?
Don't quite know what that means? Its not some mumbo jumbo but IMHO a really thought provoking terminology, coined I daresay for the youth , by the youth.
Simply put, it is the period between ages 21-29, when yougsters are reacting to the bombardment of information of newer choices and are enjoying the 'thinking out of the box ' syndrome.
They are questining set patterns, rebelling against not only abiding by those but at the same time wanting to re-define goals, achievement, success and purposeful life, all in one go.
Life is no longer a chalked out course of degree, career, money, marriage, kids, domesticity and so on. It is about, delaying responsibility, to perhaps go paragliding, or a career in moutaineering, be a musician. In other words the urge to take risks, in order to chase what will translate to happiness and fulfillment.
Refreshing I would say. Very Nice. The fact is that the present generation, let us assume,a small proportion as of now, has tasted financial independence at an earlier period in their lives, by the age of 25, thanks to BPOs and other such avenues. Add to this the exposure to a global culture cutting across boundaries of nations and ethnicities, freedom therefore is a right to be exercised in the choice of ones way of life , to begin with.
How contagious this trend will get, only time will tell. As of now, however what is apparent is that awareness is growing ,resulting in a breaking free from the old value system. Choices are being exercised and goals radically differnt from the previous generation being pursued. Whether this will lead to fulfillment or disillusionment will depend on the fine balance between sanity and rebellion, difficult to achieve but presenly attractive to our youth. Slippery slope undoubtedly,but who said life is easy!
Simply put, it is the period between ages 21-29, when yougsters are reacting to the bombardment of information of newer choices and are enjoying the 'thinking out of the box ' syndrome.
They are questining set patterns, rebelling against not only abiding by those but at the same time wanting to re-define goals, achievement, success and purposeful life, all in one go.
Life is no longer a chalked out course of degree, career, money, marriage, kids, domesticity and so on. It is about, delaying responsibility, to perhaps go paragliding, or a career in moutaineering, be a musician. In other words the urge to take risks, in order to chase what will translate to happiness and fulfillment.
Refreshing I would say. Very Nice. The fact is that the present generation, let us assume,a small proportion as of now, has tasted financial independence at an earlier period in their lives, by the age of 25, thanks to BPOs and other such avenues. Add to this the exposure to a global culture cutting across boundaries of nations and ethnicities, freedom therefore is a right to be exercised in the choice of ones way of life , to begin with.
How contagious this trend will get, only time will tell. As of now, however what is apparent is that awareness is growing ,resulting in a breaking free from the old value system. Choices are being exercised and goals radically differnt from the previous generation being pursued. Whether this will lead to fulfillment or disillusionment will depend on the fine balance between sanity and rebellion, difficult to achieve but presenly attractive to our youth. Slippery slope undoubtedly,but who said life is easy!
Not a Page3 Blog
Today was an interesting day . One of those which compels you to analyse, prioritize and deduce.
A friend, good friend I must add, since she has always been a well wisher, questioned the choice of my posts, Let me clarify here. Her objection was not to what was being written, rather to what was not getting written.. She was surprised and disappointed she said, that I have never spoken or even remotely hinted at events I attend, pageants, award ceremonies, social dos, the works. That set me thinking to. Why did not it occur to me?
Very simply, because I dont think of myself or my blog as a calendar of social , filmi, page 3 events. By virtue of being associated with the glamorous set, does not necessitate that one utilises this platform as a page to indirectly draw attention to that aspect of ones life. To me it is demeaning and crassy. There has to be more to a human being than a portrayal of a jet set life and tom tom attendance of such functions. It feels an empty, barren and hollow stance to adopt.
I feel fulfilled, breathe easy, and gratified, if a topic which needs urgent focus has been given the attenton it deserves.
So ignoring the beauty pageant, I'd much rather write about the Paedophiles who have been arrested finally. They ran tha Anchorage shelter home for street children, ironically. Undercover the sinful activities against innocent and helpless children,lured with food and shelter, had been carrying on for years. The judgement was finally delivered. After four years the guilty have been brought to book. They have been accorded 6 years imprisonment and 20000 pounds each as fine. These funds are to be utilised for the welfare of the children whose life they have literally torn assunder.
What was heartening was the judges remarks" One of the objects for awarding compensation is to wipe out India’s name from the sex tourism map. Only time can say whether the court is able to do that. Let paedophiles all over the world know that India should not be their destination,” Judge Paranjpe said.
Justice is finally being executed in the fashion worthy of an enlightened society. Exemplary punishments are the single deterrent for sexual crimes, which otherwise are next to impossible to lead to conviction.
Such punishments are the hope also in rape cases, where laxity and lacunae in law have let rapists go scot free, only to encourage others to commit offences blatantly and fearlessly.
Its past midnight.. more tomorrow.
A friend, good friend I must add, since she has always been a well wisher, questioned the choice of my posts, Let me clarify here. Her objection was not to what was being written, rather to what was not getting written.. She was surprised and disappointed she said, that I have never spoken or even remotely hinted at events I attend, pageants, award ceremonies, social dos, the works. That set me thinking to. Why did not it occur to me?
Very simply, because I dont think of myself or my blog as a calendar of social , filmi, page 3 events. By virtue of being associated with the glamorous set, does not necessitate that one utilises this platform as a page to indirectly draw attention to that aspect of ones life. To me it is demeaning and crassy. There has to be more to a human being than a portrayal of a jet set life and tom tom attendance of such functions. It feels an empty, barren and hollow stance to adopt.
I feel fulfilled, breathe easy, and gratified, if a topic which needs urgent focus has been given the attenton it deserves.
You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say..Martin Luther
So ignoring the beauty pageant, I'd much rather write about the Paedophiles who have been arrested finally. They ran tha Anchorage shelter home for street children, ironically. Undercover the sinful activities against innocent and helpless children,lured with food and shelter, had been carrying on for years. The judgement was finally delivered. After four years the guilty have been brought to book. They have been accorded 6 years imprisonment and 20000 pounds each as fine. These funds are to be utilised for the welfare of the children whose life they have literally torn assunder.
What was heartening was the judges remarks" One of the objects for awarding compensation is to wipe out India’s name from the sex tourism map. Only time can say whether the court is able to do that. Let paedophiles all over the world know that India should not be their destination,” Judge Paranjpe said.
Justice is finally being executed in the fashion worthy of an enlightened society. Exemplary punishments are the single deterrent for sexual crimes, which otherwise are next to impossible to lead to conviction.
Such punishments are the hope also in rape cases, where laxity and lacunae in law have let rapists go scot free, only to encourage others to commit offences blatantly and fearlessly.
Its past midnight.. more tomorrow.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Ahem!!
Clicked on links and found this..
mmmmmmm....cool
Moments such as these, which arrive so unexpectedly in the life :( of a blogger, help to brighten it^**^up, apart from the fact that one can always present this with a flourish to hubby every time he cribs "What is there to gain from all of this..you just dont care for me anymore...free time is comp time..lets go to the movies..look what the papers have to say of the internet..it causes depression.. give it up.."
mmmmmmm....cool
Moments such as these, which arrive so unexpectedly in the life :( of a blogger, help to brighten it^**^up, apart from the fact that one can always present this with a flourish to hubby every time he cribs "What is there to gain from all of this..you just dont care for me anymore...free time is comp time..lets go to the movies..look what the papers have to say of the internet..it causes depression.. give it up.."
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Are Women To Blame For Rape?
Happened to read a most disturbing piece reported in BBC.
Nothing under the sun can be traced back to male unreasonability, when it comes to the battle between the sexes.
*A woman who decides to get a divorce,also gets a 'whats she up to, there definitely is another guy', while the man gets 'Poor thing, he deserved better'.
*A twice divorced man is 'plain unlucky ' while a woman is 'such a tramp, no guy wants to live with her'
*When a man decides to be single he is 'dedicated ' to his career and probably would get a promotion based on this, while a woman is 'ambitious 'as in a four letter word,or 'cares for no one but herself'.
*A working mother is accused of 'neglect', while the father can get away with 'pressures at work' as reason to ignore kids.
* A mans success and growth in his career is attributed to 'sheer dint of merit and hard work', whilst a womans is simply 'having slept around'.
*A man raising his voice on issues, even on the web is 'passionate and forthright' while a woman is 'aggressive, argumentative and confrontational'
*A man hitting on a female is 'just having fun'.. 'harmless flirtation'. For a woman ofcourse she is 'inviting to be raped'.
*While men can get away with wearing 'nothing' or close to it, and being considered 'macho', a woman is 'cheap' an 'exhibitionist or 'asking for rape' if she so much as wears a tight tee and jeans.
Mind you this is not hyperbole.Only recently, a young Muslim girl from the Aligarh University was being rigged by the college authorities' for setting a bad example' since she had dared to attend classes in jeans and without the 'dupatta'.
Justifications, excuses, explanations are aplenty and growing, as are the number of rape cases.One of the commonest explanations to rape in the west is as the BBC quoted above, and in India,it is the dress code,substantiated vociferously by the statistics of fewer rapes a couple of decades ago, when women , men aver, were conservatively attired.
The generation of our mothers and grandmothers appear not to have seen as many crimes against women. But how does one know for sure? It merely appears so since the shame associated was so tremendous that next to none got reported.Yet, if one were to pre-suppose the same,then the reasons are entirely different from what the guys choose to believe.
Consider this. Women did not venture out of their homes alone or in situations of seclusion. Women in careers were rare. Therefore opportunity for crimes of the kind was limited.Interaction of the sexes was within the precincts of homes, where other males were present. Social life was limited to marriages, restaurant hoppings, movies,basically family outings.
In other words, men couldnt quite corner women as easily. Opportunity being rare, crime was rarer. For rape, conditions have to be fortuitous, no matter how oxymoron-ish this appears.
Let us hypothecate solely for the purpose of a balanced asessment. Even if we do concede that dress code or flirtatiousness increased chances of rape, however absurd and ridiculous it sounds, then we have to admit simultaneously that male behaviour is open to animalistic traits which are triggered at the slightest provocation. So then here again, why blame the woman? It is the men who need to humanise themselves by curbing their wolfish mentality inherited from Neanderthal days, on the one hand, and simultaneously inculcating traits worthy of being 'male' in the right sense of the term.
A 'no' has to be taken as exactly that. No. After which it is rape, legally and technically.
Incidentally, this is the definition of rape in law "The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse." ..In this light,therefore,clearly, whether it is a sex worker who expresses unwillingness or a wife, sexual intercourse without mutual consent is RAPE'!
It was appalling to hear people, men and women alike, on the recent rape of a 52 year old widow, by the scion of Kasliwal family, make comments such as 'but what was she doing out so late' or ' Is she is a sex worker? so how can it be rape?'.This after medical reports had proven a fractured arm and bruises all over her body.. Therefore not only does a woman get raped,but if she shows the gall to report it, then she is raped everyday, by either the media, the legal eagles or the common man. How can we blame a woman then that she'd rather choose to die a thousand deaths within her, simmer in low fire under the burnt ashes of outrage, pain, humiliation, helplessness,for the rest of her life.. than report the crime.
Given the above scenario, if she dares to fight for justice, is it fair we disregard then the courage , grit and steadfastness exhibited, and instead whip her with shameful innuendoes? All over the world, sexual violence is on the increase, and guilty rarely brought to book. If law needs witnesses, this is one crime that rarely has corroboration. Yet, women are believed to 'invite' rape??
Is it worth considering that perhaps men are 'angry' at women for having taken over their bastion as providers? Far fetched? Women in their newly found economic independence are self sufficient and content in their single lives. Does this aggravate the feeling of 'redundancy' in a male, now that he has been substituted with other progressive interests? So does this lead to Rape? Violence in its most depraved manifestation!!
The question is not limited in scope merely to how a man perceives a woman. But more importantly in what manner he chooses to view himself, vis-a vis his own self-esteem, at the risk of sounding neoplasmic.
A more recent addition to the hydra headed is 'date rape'.One cannot ignore the almost rampant incidents of 'date rape'. So here is a man, well ensconced in his gentleman attire, who cooes and wooes, wines and dines, all the while cloaking his predatorial intentions beneath social graces, in wait for the perfect moment, to strike at the clueless female.A perfect reflection of the serpignous psyche of the modern male.
What precedes the thought? Read on. This is a comment received recently on my blog..
"Well not always but many times gals ask for it,not directly but indirectly.gals take a lot of time before sleeping with a man.If ultimate aim is physcal pleasure then why do they waste so much time.Don't tell that gals are all innocent,especially in metros and elsewhere,at least they give some sort of sign of their mean character then only rape happens.
There are good girls also and there are reasons other than this for rape. In that case guilty must be punished.If a girl behaves properly there is very less chance that she will be raped.Accidental rape may happen but in most of the cases rapist knew the victims personally."
Cultured? sure..of the bacterial variety. In need of urgent pathological treatment for deconditioning from genetically engineered code of his club-in-hand-caveman days.
One is not attempting to suggest that all males need be viewed as 'potential rapists'. For every one of the above category , there may be half a dozen who are as incensed , if not more by atrocities on women and would probably contribute to the nth degree to rectify the situation.
Surely the reasonable males will realise that categorising is essential at times. However blanket statements and generalisations are dangerous, and therefore intentionally avoided. Nevertheless going by the alarming rise in these untoward incidences, one cannot close ones eyes to the growing trends of male perversion.
Steps for prevention or control, is meat for another post. Nevertheless, what one has attempted is to indict the question.
It would be so refreshing to witness our 'stronger sex' live up to that terminology in its ethical connotation and exhibit that strength in areas like say 'protecting ' a woman from an assault, for a change, setting an example for their ilk.
Selected by Candides Notebooks- Best Blogs Of The Day.
Women 'get blame for being raped'
Distressed woman
Fewer than 6% of reported rapes result in a conviction
A third of people believe a woman is partially or completely responsible for being raped if she has behaved flirtatiously, a survey suggests.)
The Amnesty International poll of 1,000 people also found over 25% believe she is at least partly to blame if she has worn revealing clothing or been drunk.
Amnesty says the "shocking" findings show government policies are failing.
)
And the director of public prosecutions told the BBC the report "highlights some areas of real concern".
Ken Macdonald QC, who is in charge of prosecutions in England and Wales, spoke to BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour.
"The idea that a third of our people think that if a woman flirts she has only herself to blame if she is raped is, I think, quite shocking," he said.
"These are jury trials. The jury is the community in the courtroom and it is reasonable to suppose the jury brings into the courtroom a lot of the attitudes we have been reading about."
Nothing under the sun can be traced back to male unreasonability, when it comes to the battle between the sexes.
*A woman who decides to get a divorce,also gets a 'whats she up to, there definitely is another guy', while the man gets 'Poor thing, he deserved better'.
*A twice divorced man is 'plain unlucky ' while a woman is 'such a tramp, no guy wants to live with her'
*When a man decides to be single he is 'dedicated ' to his career and probably would get a promotion based on this, while a woman is 'ambitious 'as in a four letter word,or 'cares for no one but herself'.
*A working mother is accused of 'neglect', while the father can get away with 'pressures at work' as reason to ignore kids.
* A mans success and growth in his career is attributed to 'sheer dint of merit and hard work', whilst a womans is simply 'having slept around'.
*A man raising his voice on issues, even on the web is 'passionate and forthright' while a woman is 'aggressive, argumentative and confrontational'
*A man hitting on a female is 'just having fun'.. 'harmless flirtation'. For a woman ofcourse she is 'inviting to be raped'.
*While men can get away with wearing 'nothing' or close to it, and being considered 'macho', a woman is 'cheap' an 'exhibitionist or 'asking for rape' if she so much as wears a tight tee and jeans.
Mind you this is not hyperbole.Only recently, a young Muslim girl from the Aligarh University was being rigged by the college authorities' for setting a bad example' since she had dared to attend classes in jeans and without the 'dupatta'.
Justifications, excuses, explanations are aplenty and growing, as are the number of rape cases.One of the commonest explanations to rape in the west is as the BBC quoted above, and in India,it is the dress code,substantiated vociferously by the statistics of fewer rapes a couple of decades ago, when women , men aver, were conservatively attired.
The generation of our mothers and grandmothers appear not to have seen as many crimes against women. But how does one know for sure? It merely appears so since the shame associated was so tremendous that next to none got reported.Yet, if one were to pre-suppose the same,then the reasons are entirely different from what the guys choose to believe.
Consider this. Women did not venture out of their homes alone or in situations of seclusion. Women in careers were rare. Therefore opportunity for crimes of the kind was limited.Interaction of the sexes was within the precincts of homes, where other males were present. Social life was limited to marriages, restaurant hoppings, movies,basically family outings.
In other words, men couldnt quite corner women as easily. Opportunity being rare, crime was rarer. For rape, conditions have to be fortuitous, no matter how oxymoron-ish this appears.
Let us hypothecate solely for the purpose of a balanced asessment. Even if we do concede that dress code or flirtatiousness increased chances of rape, however absurd and ridiculous it sounds, then we have to admit simultaneously that male behaviour is open to animalistic traits which are triggered at the slightest provocation. So then here again, why blame the woman? It is the men who need to humanise themselves by curbing their wolfish mentality inherited from Neanderthal days, on the one hand, and simultaneously inculcating traits worthy of being 'male' in the right sense of the term.
A 'no' has to be taken as exactly that. No. After which it is rape, legally and technically.
Incidentally, this is the definition of rape in law "The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse." ..In this light,therefore,clearly, whether it is a sex worker who expresses unwillingness or a wife, sexual intercourse without mutual consent is RAPE'!
It was appalling to hear people, men and women alike, on the recent rape of a 52 year old widow, by the scion of Kasliwal family, make comments such as 'but what was she doing out so late' or ' Is she is a sex worker? so how can it be rape?'.This after medical reports had proven a fractured arm and bruises all over her body.. Therefore not only does a woman get raped,but if she shows the gall to report it, then she is raped everyday, by either the media, the legal eagles or the common man. How can we blame a woman then that she'd rather choose to die a thousand deaths within her, simmer in low fire under the burnt ashes of outrage, pain, humiliation, helplessness,for the rest of her life.. than report the crime.
Given the above scenario, if she dares to fight for justice, is it fair we disregard then the courage , grit and steadfastness exhibited, and instead whip her with shameful innuendoes? All over the world, sexual violence is on the increase, and guilty rarely brought to book. If law needs witnesses, this is one crime that rarely has corroboration. Yet, women are believed to 'invite' rape??
Is it worth considering that perhaps men are 'angry' at women for having taken over their bastion as providers? Far fetched? Women in their newly found economic independence are self sufficient and content in their single lives. Does this aggravate the feeling of 'redundancy' in a male, now that he has been substituted with other progressive interests? So does this lead to Rape? Violence in its most depraved manifestation!!
The question is not limited in scope merely to how a man perceives a woman. But more importantly in what manner he chooses to view himself, vis-a vis his own self-esteem, at the risk of sounding neoplasmic.
A more recent addition to the hydra headed is 'date rape'.One cannot ignore the almost rampant incidents of 'date rape'. So here is a man, well ensconced in his gentleman attire, who cooes and wooes, wines and dines, all the while cloaking his predatorial intentions beneath social graces, in wait for the perfect moment, to strike at the clueless female.A perfect reflection of the serpignous psyche of the modern male.
What precedes the thought? Read on. This is a comment received recently on my blog..
"Well not always but many times gals ask for it,not directly but indirectly.gals take a lot of time before sleeping with a man.If ultimate aim is physcal pleasure then why do they waste so much time.Don't tell that gals are all innocent,especially in metros and elsewhere,at least they give some sort of sign of their mean character then only rape happens.
There are good girls also and there are reasons other than this for rape. In that case guilty must be punished.If a girl behaves properly there is very less chance that she will be raped.Accidental rape may happen but in most of the cases rapist knew the victims personally."
Cultured? sure..of the bacterial variety. In need of urgent pathological treatment for deconditioning from genetically engineered code of his club-in-hand-caveman days.
One is not attempting to suggest that all males need be viewed as 'potential rapists'. For every one of the above category , there may be half a dozen who are as incensed , if not more by atrocities on women and would probably contribute to the nth degree to rectify the situation.
Surely the reasonable males will realise that categorising is essential at times. However blanket statements and generalisations are dangerous, and therefore intentionally avoided. Nevertheless going by the alarming rise in these untoward incidences, one cannot close ones eyes to the growing trends of male perversion.
Steps for prevention or control, is meat for another post. Nevertheless, what one has attempted is to indict the question.
It would be so refreshing to witness our 'stronger sex' live up to that terminology in its ethical connotation and exhibit that strength in areas like say 'protecting ' a woman from an assault, for a change, setting an example for their ilk.
Selected by Candides Notebooks- Best Blogs Of The Day.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Happy Holi
I had always been fascinated by the origins of the festival and why my mother insisted on Palash flowers for the occasion. There was no doubt in my mind that a pithy explanation would unfurl. Hindu festivals and theories , if one bothered to investigate are steeped in logic and reasonability. Not some insane whim of an inane mind... AAhh, our sages!!
The customary 'gulal' used on the occasion was derived from palash, in the good old days. Today if you are lucky, all you may procure is the aroma of the flowers, that too, fake, in chemicalized powder.
The Vedas suggested using the color of the palash(teshu or dhak) flower. If clothes soaked in this colour are worn, then that colour will have its effect on our body by entering through the pores of the skin, and will save one from contagious diseases. It has miraculous medicinal effects on the body. Earlier, the young princes leaving for their Guru's Ashram used to carry a Palash Danad (stick). It is believed that the stick protected them from diseases, and harmful viruses. Palash flowers and tree bark cures many skin diseases. If a pregnant woman consumes Palash's flower juice, a very fair complexioned child is born. In addition, the child is bound to be immune to many skin and viral diseases.
The customary 'gulal' used on the occasion was derived from palash, in the good old days. Today if you are lucky, all you may procure is the aroma of the flowers, that too, fake, in chemicalized powder.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Just for laughs
Life's been pretty serious recently.
Time to lighten up a bit with these wisecracks:)
***************************************************************************************
If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.
The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Never make the same mistake twice... there are so many new ones to make!
If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.
Enjoy yourself. These are the "good old days" you're going to miss in the years ahead.
Many actresses won't wear a dress that's not original, but they'll take a secondhand husband.
The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Time to lighten up a bit with these wisecracks:)
***************************************************************************************
If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.
The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Never make the same mistake twice... there are so many new ones to make!
If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.
Enjoy yourself. These are the "good old days" you're going to miss in the years ahead.
Many actresses won't wear a dress that's not original, but they'll take a secondhand husband.
The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Bravo Wahida!!
A proud moment for Indian womanhood.
A first for Indian history.
A Woman led the passing out parade of the Indian Armed Forces at Pune today.
That she is Wahda, a Muslim from Kashmir is important only to prove once and for all the undoubtedly secular nature of our country.
Greater significance however is her status as an Indian woman .
The paradox remains though. Without wishing to dilute the uniqueness of this achievement, especially in the face of great difficulty(she had lost her father in kashmir to terrorist attack)the other face of violence against women remains clearly unabated.
More Tomorrow .
Sorry Guys its tomorrow. There has been no update on this in any of the leading publications, which I find strangely strange. The T.V. news channels had been airing the relevant clippings, and an interview with her mother, who was all praise for The Indian Govt and their non-bias in the issue. It was touching to see that the mother a school teacher despite financial constraints and loss of her husband, toiled to see his dream come true, and encouraged her daughter to claim this Merit.
A Bravo to this mother as well!!
It is a notable event .. Wish it had been given greater media coverage. Women hardly make great news, unless it is Aishwarya, or then a rape!!
AAhhh.. Finally unearthed a link. Her name is Wahida, Sorry for the error.
The article titled 'Woman On top', featured at the bottom of the page.. Could have been easily missed
A first for Indian history.
A Woman led the passing out parade of the Indian Armed Forces at Pune today.
That she is Wahda, a Muslim from Kashmir is important only to prove once and for all the undoubtedly secular nature of our country.
Greater significance however is her status as an Indian woman .
The paradox remains though. Without wishing to dilute the uniqueness of this achievement, especially in the face of great difficulty(she had lost her father in kashmir to terrorist attack)the other face of violence against women remains clearly unabated.
More Tomorrow .
Sorry Guys its tomorrow. There has been no update on this in any of the leading publications, which I find strangely strange. The T.V. news channels had been airing the relevant clippings, and an interview with her mother, who was all praise for The Indian Govt and their non-bias in the issue. It was touching to see that the mother a school teacher despite financial constraints and loss of her husband, toiled to see his dream come true, and encouraged her daughter to claim this Merit.
A Bravo to this mother as well!!
It is a notable event .. Wish it had been given greater media coverage. Women hardly make great news, unless it is Aishwarya, or then a rape!!
AAhhh.. Finally unearthed a link. Her name is Wahida, Sorry for the error.
The article titled 'Woman On top', featured at the bottom of the page.. Could have been easily missed
When will these Atrocities against women end?
farishtey se behtar hai insaan ban na
magar isme lagti hai mehnat zyaada
(tr: It is better to be a human being than it is to be a saint/nevertheless it takes more doing.)
In the wake of Jessica Lal's Murdercase, Kuldeep's suicide and the actress shot in the head last night, it leaves one puzzled. Can one ever hope that the worst is over?
Denial has been our forte for generations. But it seems as if debauchery has taken on a human face. As if that was not enough, please read on for the latest to realise that perhaps the Devil is more real than we know and closer to us than we can imagine. For it is atrocious to believe that even in this day and age, humans can continue to be as insensitive and barbaric.
Two events telecast on television news literally left one choked for breath. The first was the rape of a 52 year old widow, by the 27 year old son of a leading mill owner of Mumbai, in his own Mercedes, in the vicinity of his mill compound, last night.
The Manu Sharmas of our societies are sprouting up at an alarming rate. What are we leaving our children as a legacy? An unsafe, devious world, where human life is the cheapest commodity? Where a woman is viewed as an object to be mauled, molested and abused at the first given opportunity? Imagine the reality of their ages - they could have been son/mother!
The paucity of values seems to be in reverse proportion to family wealth. It is a shame that pursuit of education is limited to enrollment in an elitist institution while upbringing and evolution relegated to the background.
Just last night I wrote an article Barefoot in the park. It seems as if it was Utopia I was envisaging: a place where people looked for the simple pleasures in life and embraced everyone in love and acceptance. It is truly difficult to be simple, therefore difficult to be happy.
I was wrong in even attempting to prove it otherwise. There are no takers for that kind of a world anymore, nor for those sentiments. There is no place for foolish romanticism. It is juvenile and naive to believe that some day there can be a world without tears, fears and grief and only an expansive sky of love above.
Paradise lost is not a myth, after all.
The harsh reality of the world we live in is difficult to swallow at times like this. We are all terribly guilty and are paying the price for not realising that we are nurturing a generation of misled and misguided children. We have failed miserably as parents. Either we drive our children to suicide or murder.
The second incident was the dual murder of a mother and daughter, both lawyers, in Delhi. The dastardly act was discovered only hours later.
Immersed in our selves, we are polarizing the society through money power or muscle power.
New laws are being formulated to prevent justice from being abused. Public disapproval on the scale witnessed recently has spurred action from the right directions. Promises from Manmohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi, Abdul Kalam and their weight behind these issues will hopefully bring the desired results in eradicating the loopholes responsible for encouraging crime.
Perhaps this is the catalyst for change. Criminals fear of the common man's awakened conscience alongside active media participation has to prove to be a real deterrent, not just a paper tiger. One is seeing encouraging signs. Public gaze has to be fixed on the issue, no matter the clever manipulations for the opposite.
Will the interested Conspirators succeed? Will the proverbial 'short memory 'of the public bury the cry for justice? One does not know all the answers at this stage.
The least one can do is create awareness and hope it will create a ripple effect which will transform into a wave of change. One has to condemn without reservation, react as if it was one of our own that has been victimized. Or feel unworthy of being called humans.
Cross posted at Desicritics
This article appeared In The Times Of India-Westside Plus
